photo kiss on the day we met | nathan

[harlow]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/75.jpg); border: #829196 solid 1px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well if it's good enough Alcohol was something that Harlow had feared for a few years. News about drunk drivers, bar fights, and people taking advantage over the intoxicated minds had always deeply affected her after what she experienced when she lived in British Columbia. If anything she liked to stay away from any situation that could get her in any trouble, especially places like bars where there were drooling middle aged men hunting over woman the age of Harlow. But today was different. She was going out for drinks with a man she had met not too long ago. They recently talked over things such as books. For a moment Harlow felt a little scared in the push and pull that seemed to be shared between them, but in the end she couldn't help but realize that a real conversation, something with some real grit was the best thing for her at this point in her life. On a whim, she did the thing that seemed to be the most conventional in this day and age. She put herself out there and asked if he'd want to go out for drinks sometime. That day was today. As she sat down at the bar stool she looked at the patrons around her. There were a few men that gathered together at the bar table and glued themselves to a television that flashed images of a current foot ball game. Their fascination over the violence of a sport confused her, but it was nothing she would openly comment on, especially not in a establishment that focused more on the sit down, and let's talk about sports sort of bar. At the end of tables, built in the back of the bar was a stage. She assumed that it would be a place where local bands would come in an attempt to start up some gigs. Concerts were another thing she wasn't too certain of. Her claustrophobia denied her the ability to ever go to something like that, but maybe if it was in a place like here, where there were only the few friends and family that supported the local band, she'd be able to watch. The bartender came up to her, asked her for her ID and then what she wanted to order as a drink. She already had the ID in her hand, knowing well that her baby face was one that always was questioned in these sorts of establishments. Possibly the only thing that gave her away were the few tattoos that decorated her skin. "I'd just like to wait a moment, i'm waiting for someone and i don't think i should have anything till he comes," she spoke, although part of the reason she didn't get anything was because she had absolutely no idea what any drinks were called. This was not her place of comfort, and besides the fact of seeing someone outside of her work was out of the comfort zone enough she couldn't quite bring herself to order a drink. She hoped dearly that her partner would know a little more about this premise when he arrived. A few moments later the bartender came around again, with a strange red drink in his hand and landed it in front of her finger tips, "Don't worry about this one, the gentlemen over by the pool tables got this for you," he used his head to point to the men. They must have been around thirty and gave Harlow a knowing gaze, and a smile that revealed a few missing teeth. Her eyes went back to the bartender, "What's in it?" she asked unsure of the drink. There was a part of her that feared that by drinking this she was drinking some mixture that those drooling mean messed with. "It's a vodka cranberry, don't worry it's popular with the ladies," He smiled, abandoning her and returning to people on the other end of the table that appeared to have glasses of empty beer, "Right…" she spoke softly for only her to hear and looked down at the drink. It appeared to be harmless enough. At first her eyes just watched it, waiting to see if it would jump up and attack her. Then she decided it was time to dip her toe into the water. She pulled the drink closer to her, still uncertain of it. She decided to make some inspections on it. Firsts he wafted the smell. It smelled bitter… yet fruity enough. Then she dipped her finger into it. Mixed with the salted taste of skin, she knew that the smell too matched the taste. "Okay," Her voice was soft before she decided to nurse at the drink. There was no reason to nose dive into this. Her lips parted and took in the beverage. "That wasn't too bad," she allowed herself to think, but she didn't take another sip. The glass remained on the table, something she figured she'd continue to nurse on casually until Charlie showed. to make me want to fall in love tagged nathan words 862 muse pierce the veil notes and so it begins... again credits irisheyes of C.20

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[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcdcdc; ] once a liar, always a fake Considering the history tucked in his back pocket, one would think a bar would be the last place Nathan Kastra would walk into. He'd seen what alcohol could do to a person, experienced it first hand. Alcohol was the reason he got beaten, neglected, pushed aside like he didn't matter. To Nathan, alcohol only caused problem. Younger, he had never considered tasting the drink, had never wanted to get intoxicated. He preferred his mind functioning at full capacity. Though the world was a warped place, he didn't need alcohol to make it less warped. In fact, Nathan was sure alcohol only made the world worse. He had no urge to see himself driven wild by his lack of inhibitions. That had happened once, and he'd ended up in handcuffs because of it. Yet, now, he was placing a coat over his shoulder, picking up a carded ID from his table, and heading out to the one pub in Caroline. When Harlow had asked Nathan to go for drinks with her, he'd been more than taken aback. He'd known Harlow for a while, not long at all. She seemed interesting though, smart, well read, not the usual flouncing girls found in this city. Though Nathan had enjoyed her company the day in the coffee shop, he'd not thought of her in that light. The light of going for drinks with her. After she had asked and he had said politely he wound consider it, after walking home, after settling into bed for a night, it dawned on him that going for drinks was constituted as a date. Usually. The way Harlow had phrased it had made it seem like a date like setting, and Nathan had only realized that now. This girl wanted to go on a date with him, she found him attractive. Though he was in his twenties, he had never had a romantic interest in his life. He had never wanted one. As far as Nathan was considered, he was asexual, he didn't need love in his life. He had received none as a child, and wished for none now. Love seemed like a complicated torrid affair. Nothing Nathan had ever wanted to deal with. Instead of blowing Harlow off though, he'd evaluated the possibility of this excursion. It would be interesting to go on the date, Nathan decided, for one. It was something he had not experienced, he'd never had a woman attracted to him. If there had been, he was sure him being a murderer would turn them off of that instantly. Harlow didn't know this little snippet of information, though Nathan felt like she wouldn't run at fact. She was a very curious individual. Next, he'd considered the woman herself. Though he had felt no butterflies when he was talking to her. However, Harlow was a beautiful girl, Nathan could tell that much. She was sweet, kind, and most importantly, intelligent. Any person who could hold a conversation with Nathan was good in his books. She didn't threaten him in anyway. It was nice to have a fresh start, someone who didn't judge him for a mistake made by his fourteen year old self. So, several weeks later in classic Nathan fashion, he had called the number she gave to him and took her up on her offer. This could be very interesting. Though, Nathan had no idea how to operate in any form of romantic setting. Passing out the door of his small home, Nathan wondered if he should have prepared more. He did not feel nervous save for the fact he was despondently short on the information he would require for a date. He had set out his clothes with care, a soft dark button down shirt, his newest pair of jeans, trying to remember what other males dressed like when they were with females, as well as his own sort of wear. Nathan was not trying to impress Harlow, he was only trying to be appropriate for the occasion. In the end, Nathan was acting a bit like a teenage girl without the drama or the rush. He was methodical in his ways, leaving his home five minutes before he was scheduled to in order to arrive at the bar on time. A place he had never been before, nor planned on going. With quick strides, Nathan arrived to the bar on time. It was such a dark place, he flared up the sides of his jacket, before heading in, huddling into himself. This place reminded him of how he felt walking into the school, like danger was just around the corner. Spotting the figure of Harlow across the bar was not a hard task. She seemed to be the only woman his age in the establishment. There were a few other men there, and Nathan gave them a wide berth. He was not afraid, only cautious. He was well aware of the effects alcohol could have on a man. A short horrific thought crossed Nathans mind before he pushed it back. He'd worried for that moment if he'd run into Joshua here, but he was no longer in town, according to Elias, and for that Nathan was thankful. If his childhood abuser had been here, he didn't think he could handle himself. Approaching Harlow, Nathan felt the strange urge to slip a hand around her waist and kiss her. He had only seen her a few times, and it was all in earnest of friendship, and yet he was feeling this way. Perhaps teenage nerves were getting to him. Instead, he sidled into the seat beside her, using a smile as a greeting. He noted the drink in her hand, surprised honestly that she would get a drink before he arrived. Harlow had never seemed like much of a drinker. The bartender wandered over, asking for Nathans ID. He handed over the little plastic card easily enough, but the bartender took much longer than necessary to look at it. Unlike much in his life, the card bore Nathans full name, in shiny black print. The bartender huffed, setting the card back down on the table, and Nathan snatched it back before Harlow could steal it. “Can I get...a seven and seven?” he questioned, nervous, pulling the one drink he knew from TV shows his sister would watch far too loud in the home. The bartender seemed to mutter something that sounded like 'shouldn't be serving your kind in here' before wandering of to get the drink. Nathan shot a glance at Harlow, suddenly tongue tied. He'd not said a word to her yet, and he found himself at a loss. “So, how is everything? It's been a while...” he started, lamely. Suddenly all the nuances of conversation were lost to him. The bartender wandered back with his drink, which Nathan was sure he spat in, and Nathan took it up, resiting from taking a sip before Harlow spoke. words; 1157. lyrics; notes; i did not mean for this to be so long oops ELLE LIKE COOL of ESM

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[harlow]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/75.jpg); border: #829196 solid 1px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well if it's good enough Caroline had provided a haven which allowed Harlow to discover a new self. It was a canopy from the rain that was her life, it was the canvas that she was freshly given, rather than the one that had been painted black. But in that canvas, things were painted more by the structure of a photo. Everything was constructed perfectly and never out of place. If there was something in the frame, it was in there for a reason. This was mostly because she took her two jobs and balanced them as carefully as possible. These jobs also enabled a shield for her to dismiss those who tried to find Harlow's personal interior. She enabled herself to model only because she felt like it was something she needed to do, some way to make her self seen to people since she remained so quite. In those photos were the only time it appeared she had any relation with another person and that was just because of the setting and how the photographer wanted her to be layer out. Other than that, she was completely separate from anything that suggested that she was interested in a relationship. That being said, there was something different about Charlie. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt about him. They had really only met a few moments in their life and had a conversation that could be considered "'deep" once. How much could you really learn about a person in such a short period of time? Yet in that time setting it was almost as if Charlie could see through it all, it was as if he could see in her brain, how she had a son somewhere in western Canada, how she'd been rapped, how she had moved here in attempt to get through it all. Just the same she was able to decipher that there was a darkness looming over Charlie that he was trying to hide too. She had this sneaking suspicion that he might be the person that someone had told her about. Working in the coffee shop had exposed her to the little old ladies that loved to gossip. But that was one thing she didn't want to dig too far into. That's why she needed this. A leap of faith. Harlow jumped a little when she saw Charlie. She had been waiting for him, after all, but his actual presence was not one she expected in that moment in time. Her eyes wavered over to the analog clock behind the bartender and noted that he was perfectly on time. As a way to greet him back she smiled. It was almost like they were too similar in that aspect. Then again, she had always been a shy one, and didn't know what to expect. At his order her eyes widened. He seemed to know what he wanted. Yet when he ordered his confidence in the drink wasn't quite the same as the confidence that Harlow first witnessed when their discussion on great books happened. This moment in her life was one that she had replayed multiple times. It was quite possibly one of the most significant things to happen since she came to Caroline. Even when he spoke Harlow was still surprised. It was an awkward situation. It was one she never put herself in, and certainly she would never put herself in this sort of setting and yet here she was. Who would have thought it? "It has," She offered as her first response, looking down at her drink, "Someone at one of the tables in the back bought me this drink… it was rather odd…" She started laughing to herself, "But other than that's, i'd say i've been doing quite alright." There was a voice inside of her that was saying "Attempt a conversation to talk about the need for humans to interact in such a way" but she felt like this particular setting was too peculiar for the same sort of conversation they shared previously. Maybe she should have said that. Her mind reflected back to the idea that this would typically be considered a date. Having another man offer her a drink, even though she had no room to decline, did seem a little off. She hoped that Charlie wouldn't see too much into it. "How have you been, Charlie," Her eyes looked sincere as she asked. She was actually quite curious to know how his life was turning for him. As she asked her hand clasped for the glass and she attempted a sip at the drink she couldn't help but still feel suspicious with. If television had any truth to it, she hoped that the access to alcohol would ease this first moment of awkward and let them slide back into something that she had enjoyed so dearly. to make me want to fall in love tagged nathan words 820 muse pierce the veil notes i see your o.c. reference you person you! credits irisheyes of C.20

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[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcdcdc; ] once a liar, always a fake “Someone bought you a drink?” Nathan questioned, turning in his seat, locating the men at the other table, now engrossed in the television with some rough sport being played on it. They seemed to communicate through series of grunts and yells as the game progressed. “You should have sent it back, otherwise they'll think they can get something out of you,” Nathans voice was dark, watching the men still. He wondered which had the guts to buy Harlow a drink. She was pretty, but they were middle aged, balding, and Nathan could smell the booze of them from here. The type of people Joshua would hang around, the type of men who would hurt a pretty girl like Harlow. Nathan suddenly realized the feeling in his stomach, he didn't want Harlow to get hurt. Was that friendship, or something more? Nathan had never felt protective over anyone else in his life, and not to save them from pain, or sorrow. It was strange. He turned back to Harlow after memorizing the mens faces. If he ever met them in the streets, outside of the pub, a dark night, he'd...he'd what? Nathan snapped back from his thoughts, shaking his head, looking to the drink in front of him. It seemed so innocent, bubbly liquid, no real trace of the alcohol inside Nathan actually did not know what this drink contained or how much alcohol, he only threw out the first drink he could think of. Carefully taking it up in his hand, Nathan remembered that to Harlow, this wouldn't be his first time drinking. They had not said anything of the sort explicitly, but it was common to think a twenty something year old man had gotten drunk many times previous. So in a movement he assumed looked casual, Nathan took a measured sip. The drink tasted like how Joshua's breath smelt, and Nathan didn't know if it were just him, but all he could taste was burning. It was like sipping subbing alcohol. He tried not to make a face, swallowing quickly, feeling the liquid settle in his stomach. It wasn't bad, he told himself with force. It was only different. Something to get used too. At least he wasn't planning on getting intoxicated. Nathan hated small talk, it was useless to ask him how he was. He was not one to over share and the most someone would get out of that question was a curt, 'Fine, thank you,' and the conversation would be over. Nathan hated useless conversation, and thus spun away from talking to most people. He had to remind himself that Harlow was different, this much was said when she called him Charlie. He'd forgotten he'd given her that name, he was starting to use a few. It was endearing, in a weird way. He was Charlie here, not Nathan, and that suddenly made him feel calmer. Responding to her question, he knew this was difficult as well. It was hard to scrounge his life for bits of information that seemed interesting. Before, he could have told her fabulous stories of an abused child if he were younger. Now, life in Caroline was boring. But, perhaps not for Charlie. Nathan could easily bend the truth, create an interesting conversation, make life easier for the two of them. “It's been good, though no one's been offering me drinks,” Nathan smiled softly, finding it weird to utter words in such a light hearted manner. He fidgeted, hand floating to his drink, taking another heated sip, to ease the lull in conversation. Not for the first time, he found it hard to even create conversation out of thin air. words; 661. lyrics; for all those sleeping notes; its so normal to consider killing people yep ELLE LIKE COOL of ESM

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[harlow]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/75.jpg); border: #829196 solid 1px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well if it's good enough As a response, Harlow nodded slowly, and watched as Charlie moved his glance. At first she questioned what he could possibly be looking at but realized half a second later that his eyes rested on the men who had given her a drink. At this point in time they looked like the typical howling group of men that tried to act more threatening than how harmless they actually were. It took her by surprise at Charlie's response. She had never been to a bar thus didn't even know she was allowed to do that. This was a fact she didn't think she could verbally explain to him completely. Instead, all she could spill out of her lips was a simple "Oh…" Her eyes felt a little watery and her stomach plummeted, where there was that feeling as if she had done something wrong. It was a feeling she hadn't had in a long while… one she typically only felt in moments like this where there was new experiences involved. There was a sudden moment of clarity in Carlie's facial expression that brought him back from whatever universe he was in for that brief moment. Harlow allowed herself to feel at ease once more. Her stomach was still nervous but she knew that she'd be able to hold it okay. In attempt to further calm the nerves, she allowed herself to reach for the drink, but then looked at it and couldn't bring herself to do such. Her eyes darted up and down Charlie's body, and then she shyly reached her hand to motion over the bartender. "Can i get something… else…" She looked at the drink and tried not to look to see what Charlie's expression might look like. There was a furrowed look on the bartender's face and she brought herself to try to think of something that she could order, "Umm… i'll have whatever that has the orange juice in it…?" She tried to remember the name but couldn't bring herself to think of it. Vodka and orange juice. Her mind remembered but by the time she had the bartender was already measuring out the ounces. Harlow pushed away the other drink with her fingers as if to say "you can take this now." Harlow allowed herself to let out a delicate bit of laughter. That was probably the first time she had ever heard Charlie take to joking. Harlow herself had a bitter sense of humour where most of the things that people found themselves laughing at she looked at with frightened eyes. Slapstick humour? It looked more like brutality and she couldn't bring herself to wonder why no one would ever help the victim of such humour. There was something light about Nathan's comment that actually allowed her to pipe up a bit. Once she found herself on the come down her eyes started shifting around again. Then her drink was placed right in front of her, where she put down a ten dollar bill. The last thing she wanted was to run up any sort of tab. Her fingers took that time to act out of greed and bring her the drink to nurse off of. As she took that sip she tried to think of anything that they could start off a conversation. Her eyes looked at the television that had just been playing football, and now was going through different commercials. A light bulb shot off in her head as she rested the glass back down to the table. "Have you seen any interesting movies lately?" she offered as a way to start a conversation. Maybe this could lean to the yearning of the conversation that Harlow had saw out for previously. to make me want to fall in love tagged nathan words 641 muse pierce the veil notesoh nathan... oh dear credits irisheyes of C.20

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[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 366x; height: 190px; padding: 10px; background-color: #dcdcdc; ] once a liar, always a fake It occurred to Nathan, as Harlow put down money for a drink, that he should be paying for her. If this was a date, which he wasn't sure it was or not. She'd asked him out, and though that wasn't typical of relationships, Nathan appreciated the gesture. It wasn't often a girl was interested, or more like never. The last time a girl had shown any interest in Nathan, he remembered developing what felt like a crush towards her. She hadn't even cared when Nathan had shot someone. Or perhaps she had, but she hadn't been afraid of him. That was what Nathan needed, was someone with the gall to stand up to his new found attitude. Even when he was younger, he needed someone to shake him by the shoulders, clear up his view of the world. He had spent his life buried in books, and thus life had a veil of fantasy to him. Consequences, problems, nothing really mattered as much as it should have to Nathan. He felt very disconnected to reality. It only made sense then that Nathan would consider the money she'd placed down like he would a book placed in front of him. This was only logical. If he was unsure about this being a date, Harlow could be as well. That, or she thought it were and had expectations of him of some sort. Usually those expectations would be that Nathan would pay, but that was counter balanced by the money she'd placed down. Unless that was some form of test for him, which was equally as possible. By forcing himself on her though, she may be offended, or she might get offended if he didn't force himself. Girls were extremely tricky, Nathan found quickly. Of course, it was all subjective on the girl, what he thought Harlow might want, and what his own thoughts on the matter were. Of course, that proved an even more interesting question. Nathan had never considered himself in the romantic aspects of things, so he never formulated what he would be like in a relationship, or how he would treat a girl. He knew he wanted to treat them well, but what would that entail in reality? He knew he didn't have enough money, in reality, to always be paying for Harlow, and he didn't want her to be expecting it. That made him feel cheap though, he had no idea where this would go. So, tiredly, he pulled a matching ten dollar bill from his wallet, placing it on top of hers. He hadn't before simply for the fact he had no idea how bars worked, and only hoped to follow Harlow's lead. Her question caught him off guard as he was taking a measured deeper sip of the alcohol. It wasn't so bad, in reality. Just a bit of burning, that was simple to overcome. “Movies?” he queried, still holding the drink in his hand, thinking. He never really watched new and recent films, he more preferred settling down to watch some strange indie flick not many people had heard about. Call him a hipster, but he couldn't stand big production blockbusters. He felt he needed to find something more popular to breach the topic, though. “It's older, but have you ever seen Donnie Darko?” Nathan quiried, carefully. He honestly had no idea what was popular these days, but he did remember some people mentioning this movie a while after he'd first seen it, so it had to be more well known. words; 587. lyrics; for all those sleeping notes;next thing in fashion...HIPSTER SERIAL KILLERS ELLE LIKE COOL of ESM

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[harlow]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/75.jpg); border: #829196 solid 1px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well if it's good enough To begin with, Harlow was hardly a confident person. Most of the time she would rather be off in the shadows. The only points in her life where she could feel an inkling of confidence was when she was in front of a camera. There was something about only seeing the mechanical structure rather than the contours of a human face that relaxed her. Now, being able to fully see what was going on with the flexes of Charlie's face, as well as any strange wave that crashed within his eyes she felt herself on the edge. There was a habit that she picked up now whenever she was waiting for something, or just simply anxious. Her leg started bouncing up and down furiously, almost ready to move. The only time it would stop was whenever she took a sip of her drink or else whenever she was able to use her voice. Now, her leg currently bounced as one of her hands rested in her lap and the other one was leaned on top of the bar table. Her eyes remained focused on Charlie, although there were some points where her eyes darted away from looking into his out of fear what sort of imagery she might see. She couldn't imagine that he'd look at her with any hopeful satisfaction. The only thing that kept Harlow from jumping away from anxiety was the reminder that he had indeed agreed to see her here. That should of been satisfying enough. Really, all she needed was some sort of topic that would keep them both at course. She had felt comfortable around Charlie before, but as for typically any person Harlow surrounded herself with, she made up her own tension that might actually not even be there at all. She was suddenly taken by surprise at Charlie's sudden placement of the ten dollar bill on top of her own. She almost chimed "what are you doing?" before she remembered that this was some sort of protocol for two people on a "date." Although her eyes still wavered slightly, her mouth turned to a smirk, "Oh, you don't have to pay for anything…" She then realized he could have been offering himself another drink rather than paying for her own, "Unless you were getting something else or…" She allowed her voice to trail off before she started mumbling into a jibberjabber of words. At the notion of Donnie Darko, she adjusted herself in the chair. It was a movie that she hadn't seen in a while. The last time she watched it she was still pregnant and on her journey over to Caroline. Yet, it was a movie that she enjoyed. Mostly, she thought she enjoyed it out of nostalgia since when she was in the orphanage someone new came in and told a group of the kids about the best thing in theatres at that moment, being Donnie Darko. It had always been a movie that interested her before she was even able to watch it. It always made her think, if she could change everything that happened to her… would she? "Yes! I have it's a good one, such an interesting premise," The tapping of her leg stopped for a moment as she spoke and took a decent sized sip of her drink. to make me want to fall in love tagged nathan words 611 muse pierce the veil notessometimes i want to shout lyrics in nathan's face credits irisheyes of C.20

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