spoon of cough syrup | sidney

[sidney]

CAN WE CREATE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL AND DESTROY IT?

During these past days with stress over Noah, Sidney had not had time to think of Jaesey. Perhaps it was a subconscious thing. He knew that was a can of worms he did not want to open. Things with Jaesey were far to complicated. The marriage especially. He knew outright, he did not want to marry her.. He liked her, had romantic feelings for her that seemed to have cropped out of the blue, but that did not mean he wanted to marry her. Like he'd thought, his romantic feelings had just come out of nowhere. It had been a month, and yet some mornings he'd wake up with her curled into his side and be confused. Or think it was Noah's mother. That was the oddest of all, the nostalgia mixed with a horrible taste at the back of his throat. Jaesey was much better than Marie, a thousand times better. He was happy with Jaesey.

But none of that meant he wanted to marry her. He didn't even love her.

Scratch that. Sidney didn't even believe love was possible. It wasn't real. He told Jaesey otherwise. He asked her to marry him under pressure of her father, need for his son. He told her he loved her from pressure from her. She'd looked at him so expectantly. What else was he supposed to do. Sidney was floundering now without Noah, if his mother kept him, while he was going to school. If Sidney had been unable to take him to the first day of school, he didn't know. Noah was his child. The kid had too many problems already from Marie up and leaving before he could even speak. Sidney, though, never much thought perhaps these problems were his won fault, his own parenting. He'd been thrown into this role of life unexpectedly. He'd had other plans, other dreams. Noah came unwanted, and Sidney changed his life. So, it would not be a surprise if Sidney's own fathering skills were not up to par. He found it hard to always be home for Noah, often shuttling him back between his own house and Sidneys mother's when Noah was little, for sake of keeping his job and making his money. that much change can do things to a child, change them. Sidneys life was anything but settled, sturdy, something Noah needed. But of course, Noah's faults were not Sidneys doing. Like any man would, he blamed this on the mother, figuring her abandonment that left a bigger hole in Sidneys heart than he cared to admit had done it all.

Jaesey was here now though, and that was all that mattered. He laughed at her imitation of him. She brought almost as much life into the house as Noah did, on a good day. “Lemme put on a shirt,” he said, walking to the living room. There were a few random clothes laying around his place, as was normal at Sidneys house. Though he had all the time in the world on his hand, he couldn't seem to get the time to do laundry. Or motivation. A shirt was laying on his couch, and he tugged it on, turning back to Jaesey as she spoke again, still hovering around the front door.

“You know,” Sidney said with a laugh, turning back towards Jaesey. “Everyone asks how Noah’s doing in school. How he likes it, if he's okay. Never me,” Sidney couldn't help a little admiration sweep into his voice. He felt he might have become clingy, without Noah there. He needed something to latch onto, he was like a barnacle. “But I'm doing alright. I worry like hell everyday though. One day, I might go there, and he might...well I don't know. That's half the problem” he smiled, pushing a hand through his hair. “I'm sure he'll be fine. They're only stealing thirteen years of his life from me. More, if he's not like his dad. How about with you though Jaes?” he questioned, stepping closer to her, noticing something odd in her eyes, her gaze. Sidney might have only been dating Jaesey for a month, maybe more, but they were best friends for years. He knew when something was bothering her. “How's everything going?” he had walked closer to her. His girl, he supposed, and his hand wandered over her stomach for a moment. You couldn't tell much, but to put a hand there, or a harsh eye, you could see the slight bulge. Sidney remembered his wonder the first time this had happened, to Noah's mother, the slow distending of her stomach, the strangeness of it all. To think his kid was in there, his second kid. And maybe this time the mother would stick around.

WORDS 790 TAGGED JAESEY NOTES MUAHAHAHAHAHA

TEMPLATE BY WE WERE INFINITE ! OF CAUTION 2.0

[sidney]

CAN WE CREATE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL AND DESTROY IT?

It only seemed like Sidney didn't care about things. Not in the sense that he was cold, but in the sense that he took everything too lightly. Most things came like a joke, tumbling out of his lips with a laugh. A lot of the time his friends and family members looked at him like he was crazy. However, you couldn't live life always serious, always waiting for the next catastrophe. Sidney just rolled with the things that came to him, it made his life a hell of a lot easier, and a lot less stress on his shoulders. That did not mean he did not care about things deeply, or that he would throw something away. Noah was everything to Sidney, the little tyke was pretty much all Sidney had to rely on to keep him sane, to keep him rolling with the punches. Sidney honestly felt lost without his son. And Jaesey? Well, she was important to him, that much was true. He couldn't say whether that importance had come before or after the pregnancy. It only mattered that it was there.

Sidney had never been exactly careful with his relationships, even if he didn't believe in love. He believed in attraction, lust, and sometimes he did feel like he cared for the girl he was with. In all it was only the love aspect that made him laugh. Too many girls had flown by him, he'd broken up with too many, too many had broken up with him for him to think that enough compatibility was around for something like love to create a world in his heart. People only stayed together because they were tired of looking, but Sidney wasn't in that boat. Relationships were never important to him in the sense that he didn't feel like he was incomplete without one. He would be happy to be with Jaesey, yes, because she was his best friend, but that didn't mean he wanted to be with her, or that he didn't want to be. It just was. Sidney was probably regarding the situation in all the wrong manners but he didn't realize that, he couldn't. He just knew for once he was being careful with Jaesey, but that was because he didn't want to ruin the foundations of friendship they had already laid down. But of course, there was always things that he'd never known about Jaesey.

“What?!” the sound came like a gunshot in the otherwise silent room. Sidney was not asking for Jaesey to repeat what she had just said, he had heard her just fine. He was merely expressing his incredulity with this situation, staring at Jaesey in shock. She was a...? “What the fuck Jaesey?!” he was shouting, as he was aught to do. “Since when? You know, you could have just come to me for money!” he threw his hands in the air, a gush of heated breath expelling from his nose. He couldn't collect his thoughts, he was just voicing them before they had time to be processed. “Is that what this is Jaes?” his voice cracked slightly, his eyes narrowing, staring at the woman that suddenly seemed like a whore. “How much do I fucking owe you for what we did? Did I fuck everything up by getting you pregnant. Shit, you could have a disease, what could that do to the kid?!” Sidney couldn't even handle himself anymore, he pushed a hand through his hair, refusing to look at Jaesey. What was she telling him this for? Was she just going to dump another kid on him?

WORDS 597 TAGGED JAESEY NOTES HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

TEMPLATE BY WE WERE INFINITE ! OF CAUTION 2.0

[jaesey]

LIFE'S TO SHORT TO EVEN CARE AT ALL ,

i'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i919.photobucket.com/albums/ad32/paperheartx_x/bg3.png); width: 388px; padding-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px;] Over anything, the anticipation pained her the most. Her parents used to always say that the only thing that hurt about the truth was the anticipation, and that the end results were never nearly as horrifying as we predicted them to be. But what else was going to happen? How could someone not take this sort of information without freaking out a little? If roles had been reversed and Sidney told Jaesey what she had just told him, she'd probably start laughing both from shock and hope that he was just pulling off a practical joke. Yet, this was no practical joke. No matter how tempting it was for Jaesey to burst out and say, "haha, just kidding, i just wanted to see your reaction, let's go eat some McDonalds" she couldn't. And when that first word came out, she flinched. No amount of personal preparation to guard herself to make her ready for the raw reaction of someone she truly cared about. Her eyes shut. She couldn't look at Sidney for this one moment. Closing her eyes helped her to let any tears from building up. The more she thought about it outside of the situation, the worse it was getting for her to handle. But at the sound of her name, her eyes opened, and her mouth formed in a consistent frown. As he yelled at her, every muscle in her body tensed. She didn't want to yell out a bunch of excuses, she didn't want to have to defend herself in hopes that he'd think about it and realize this was Jaesey he was referring to, someone who had been best friends with him for the last two years of their life. Offer her money? Out of where? He'd have to start selling himself or drugs in order to get money jus for her! That was what she was expecting out of this, that's what she would've just said, but as Jaesey actually looked at Sidney's face, she saw something that hurt her more than anything. Then he had to say something that hurt more than anything. "What the hell, Sidney! You should know me better than that!" The tears she had tried to withdraw were now at the edge of of falling down her face. How could he even say that? "How could you even help me out before, with what money would you give me Sidney?" Her one hand flew up angrily, inches away from touching Sidney's head. Easily, she could've pushed him but she didn't quite have the strength to do even that. "You think i'd do that to you Sidney? I'm your fucking best friend and i love you! I've always loved you, i love Noah too, and i'd never go looking for ways to hurt you or him!" The tears had already made their way down her face like a flash flood. There was pain in her heart just from him speaking so harshly. Maybe he was just angry, he didn't actually mean half of the things that he was saying. That's what she told herself. There was this strange pain within her stomach. "The baby," a voice told her. But the voice was easily drowned out from everything else that Jaesey was too concerned about. This was the hardest thing she's ever done.

TAGGED: _sidney! NOTES: _{don't hate me... they are my #1 muse other than wren and annabel}

CREDIT TO OH HAI JENNERS ?! OF CAUTION 2.0