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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2012 13:22:54 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
Xzuun spent at least a portion of almost every day he had off from work in the library. He liked it dominantly because it was quiet and people kept to themselves, but also because he liked to learn and he sometimes regretted not having the money (or the people skills, for that matter) to continue his education. There was no cost to spend the day reading every book that interested him, however, so that was what he did. It was in this way that he’d taught himself Spanish, French, German, and ASL, which made him feel rather accomplished, even if he never had anyone to use the languages with. He had read through several series of books recommended to him by his coworkers over the years, and sometimes he reread his favorites. The librarians all knew him and smiled pleasantly when he came and left, and he’d nod in response, but that was about all the interaction they ever had. He liked it better that way, anyway.
Today, he was immersed in a biography about Queen Elizabeth the First. He liked biographies. It allowed him to imagine what life was like for other people. Often they were more cheerful than his own, which was good because he wouldn’t wish his life on anyone, but on occasion their suffering made him feel less alone.
It took him maybe four hours to read the entire five hundred pages, at which point he wasn’t sure exactly what else to do with his day. He didn’t really feel like reading anymore, but he didn’t want to leave, either.
This was the problem with days he had off from work. There was never anything to do.
Xzuun returned the book to the shelf he’d gotten it from and looked around for another to read, since he didn’t see himself doing anything else that day.
At that moment, though, he heard the door open and the soft tinkle of chimes that meant someone had just entered the library. He looked over and found that Isaac had just entered, which gave him something to do.
Xzuun couldn’t recall the exact date that he’d first encountered Isaac, but the boy had interesting him from the beginning. There was something undeniably deep about him, and it had sort of turned Xzuun into exactly what he hated. He fought against both his walls and Isaac’s, trying to get close to him uninvited. It was enormously hypocritical but he couldn’t help it.
It had been worse since that time Xzuun noticed the cuts on Isaac’s wrist. Nothing anyone could say could ever justify self-harm in Xzuun’s mind. Not after all his experiences with pain. There had to be better ways to deal with whatever was wrong with him, and for whatever reason, Xzuun felt like he had to be the one to prove that to him.
He didn’t want to just assault the kid, though, so he waited a bit for Isaac to be able to do whatever it was he needed in the library before approaching him.
”Isaac,”
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[/color] he said simply, just to get his attention. He never knew how to start conversations with someone, since he typically tried to avoid doing so, so he usually just started with their name, given that it was necessary. The thing about Isaac, though, was that he never seemed to react to things consistently, so Xzuun always had to be on guard for anything, because it was impossible to predict Isaac’s response. [/div] © melly welly from caution 2.0 | LYRICS BY FLORENCE & THE MACHINE TAGGED: Isaac/Bubbles | 586 WORDS | NOTES: Ack, I'm sorry this is terrible. [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jun 19, 2012 14:54:03 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – FIVE-SEVEN-ONE | THOUGHTS – SORRY, NOT MY BEST WORK | Isaac that day had managed to persuade his nanny that she shouldn’t go with him to the library, he was going to be fine. It was difficult to persuade the old woman because she was so adamant that something would happen, she was so adamant that somehow Jacob or Kyle would come how, but Isaac had spoken to them. Well he had spoken to Jacob mainly because Kyle was refusing to communicate or say anything. Didn’t that all sound like a mind full of mumble jumble? So many people and he was the one who had to talk, even when he had no idea what happened during his absence while he spent his time inside. Isaac wasn’t used to really going alone somewhere…well alright he was, especially when he had to go to work alone. He didn’t want any of his co-workers seeing him being brought to and being taken home by his nanny, it would only just make everything more awkward. He didn’t want to receive any attention at all, he just wanted to be left alone and not taken notice of. But in this town everyone seemed to want to get to know you. Even if Isaac put a wall around himself, he felt as if there were people just waiting to attack that wall and enter…this wasn’t anything fun for him. This town was already slightly getting on his nerves even though he had only been here for a month.
But he wasn’t going to leave at all, he had worked so hard to persuade his parents to let him go, and he wasn’t going to give up at all. Entering the library, he winced as he heard the bell go, every time a bell went people always looked at the door to see who had entered. Isaac knew that because he happened to look quite a few times when the same thing happened to another person. He sighed though and continued on, walking towards the fiction category of the library and taking a look at the books there. He was unsure of what book to take next, there were far too many girly books, but at least they were kept to one corner of the shelves. He wanted something mystery and action like, hopefully the book that he pulled out would have some…at least it looked like it.
Moving towards the counter, he heard his name somewhere, his ears, that were always covered underneath his curly mop of hair and kept warm, twitched a little. He hadn’t made that many friends around here…well he wasn’t sure if he could even call them friends, but he turned around in his position, handing two books to the women at the counter at the same time; one for returning and the other to borrow. His library card was placed next to them too. Nodding his head at the boy whom he recognised as Xzuun, he bit his lip, unsure. He didn’t know what to say or what to do, the two boys…well for him were complete opposites and he had no idea how to speak to the boy. “Xzuun…how are you?” He whispered quietly, one for the reason of being in the library and the other because he wasn’t really in the mood to speak. Isaac liked keeping to himself, but people in this town were far too friendly, he would have to converse with them one way or another. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2012 14:23:49 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
Xzuun never was any good at reading people, and this was especially true of Isaac, but the former could tell that the latter wasn’t exactly comfortable talking to him. Still, it wasn’t often that he was feeling up to talking to someone of his own accord, so he wasn’t about to give up right away. If it took some discomfort to make Isaac get better, then that’s what would have to happen.
Certainly it made him a hypocrite, but he didn’t want to think about that. His problems were different. At least he wasn’t hurting himself, which was what Xzuun had the most problem with in Isaac. He could empathize with the social anxiety and the quietness and all the rest, but some things just weren’t okay, and cutting was one of them.
Isaac never spoke directly about the subject, though. He always skirted around it, changing the topic of conversation anyway he knew how. Xzuun didn’t know what to make of this. He supposed that denial was just another part of the problem. It would make the solution take longer, but there was time.
”I’m okay. How are you?”
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[/color] he asked gently. That was really what interested him: what was going on Isaac’s mind today. How he was feeling, what he wanted, if it was an improvement from the past at all. He wished he could understand why he cared so much. There was nothing particularly spectacular about Isaac, but something about him made it impossible to ignore him. At this point, however, Xzuun was blissfully ignorant to Isaac’s other personalities. It wasn’t exactly something that came up often in conversation, and anyways, it wasn’t likely that Isaac, or any of his other personalities, for that matter, were going to talk about it. So Xzuun just brushed off any of Isaac’s resultant eccentricities as some sort of social discomfort and tried to treat him the same, regardless of whatever personality was taking the forefront. Maybe things would have been different if he had known. Without any experience in psychology at all, it was already rather unreasonable to believe he could fix one personality. Three was really pushing it. He pushed a lock of hair out of his eyes as he watched Isaac idly. Really, the situation was so awkward that one could almost cut the discomfort with a knife. And honestly, Xzuun wanted to leave and not bother the boy, but something wouldn’t let him. Xzuun really wouldn’t ever consider himself to be very nurturing. But Isaac was something of an exception. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jun 22, 2012 11:52:15 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – FIVE-TWO-NINE | THOUGHTS – SO MUCH AWKWARDNESS! | He was completely unsure of which personality had first met with Xzuun, none of the boys would say and Kyle wasn’t exactly too happy with Xzuun sticking his nose in where eh thought it wasn’t wanted. Of course Isaac didn’t either, but Jacob was more than so happy to just allow another person into their lives, it was difficult to put the six year old personality on a reign because once he was out there really was no stopping him unless nanny or Isaac could do something. And since Isaac was unaware of what happened when Jacob was out, it was only really nanny who could do anything. But then again, nanny treated Jacob like a baby and tried to give him whatever he wanted so he could be happy and that was exactly one of the reasons as to why Jacob was so attached to nanny; she was like another mother to him, another mother to all three at least.
The only reason that Xzuun annoyed Isaac was because of the cuts he kept talking about on Isaac’s wrists. Isaac liked keeping them hidden with multi-coloured bracelets but Xzuun had seen a few in a short span of some seconds and it was as if it was the boys’ mission to ‘fix’ Isaac although there really was no fixing needed. Kyle rarely came out these days to inflict any wounds on Isaac’s body anymore and most of the previous wounds were slowly healing, so why was the boy still so interested? But of course, Isaac was not going to speak about his wounds; he was going to act completely oblivious to the facts that there were a few cuts on his wrists.
He nodded his head at Xzuun, a polite smile on his face, “I’m good thanks, just getting a new book to read.” He cocked his head towards the book that was in the librarian’s hand and took it back from her, as well as his library card with another smile, his dimple filled cheek splashing out a little. Isaac was always polite to people, it was just something he knew he had to be, even if his other personalities weren’t all so much the same as him. Well of course they couldn’t be right? They were different people stuck inside one body and Isaac had to deal with that, at least in one way the boys didn’t try to make his life as difficult as they did before he had moved to Caroline, and that made Isaac feel grateful towards the both of them.
He turned around in his position, having thinking that Xzuun would be gone by then, but to his surprise the guy was still standing there. Isaac stood awkwardly, unsure of what to say or what to do. “So…erm…yeah.” Isaac was a recluse himself, he never had the guts to speak to anyone, he mostly relied on Kyle and Jacob to make the friends for him, while he stood in the swaying blurriness where he could hear or see nothing. But this time the both of them couldn’t do anything for him and he would have to take the brunt of it all. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2012 10:10:24 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
It was very clear to Xzuun that Isaac really didn’t want him around. He did seriously consider leaving after that, but something kept him back. To make himself feel better about forcing himself upon Isaac, Xzuun tried to brush the obvious discomfort off as nothing more than a loss for words to say. It didn’t work very well, but it was better than nothing.
There were several things that were very unfair with this interaction. The obvious one was that by talking to him, Xzuun was bothering Isaac quite a bit, and he knew from experience how unpleasant that could be. But it was also unfair that what seemed like everyone else in the city knew exactly what to say in order to get inside his mind, but Xzuun himself couldn’t do anything.
Sometimes he wished he could just leave Isaac alone; he wanted to be able to just ignore the self-mutilation and get out of the reluctant boy’s life. It’d be simpler and less painful for everyone involved. But there was something about self-harm that made that impossible. No one should have to feel pain to feel better. Xzuun had had his fair share of pain, and he didn’t like the idea of other people undergoing similar things.
When Xzuun was still living with his father, it was hard for people to not notice the cuts all over his arms. Cutting him up had been one of his father’s favorite pastimes, and so it happened often and in large amounts. Teachers had tried to talk him out of what they believed to be self-harm for years. When he ran away to Caroline at thirteen, it obviously stopped, but people still saw the scars. For the most part, the kids just called him emo, (the pale skin from his anaemia and the naturally dark hair didn’t help his case) but teachers and counsellors frequently expressed how proud they were of him that he stopped hurting himself. He was never brave enough to tell anyone it hadn’t been himself doing it.
These days, he just did everything he could to keep himself covered up. Most of it was because of how much he hated his own body, but it was also convenient for keeping unwanted questions from being asked.
Xzuun wasn’t sure what to say after Isaac spoke. It really was difficult to make comfortable conversation between two people so against the idea of interaction.
He bit his lip, thinking rapidly of how he could possibly continue to do this. He should just give up. Leave Isaac alone forever. He really should have.
”...Do you want me to leave you be?”
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[/color] he asked slowly. He was sure he already knew the answer, but it was just proper manners to ask. Now, he supposed, he’d have to figure out something else to read. Isaac was checking a book out, so if Xzuun left him alone, he’d leave. If Xzuun left at the same time, it’d be even more awkward than this conversation they were already having, and that was quite a feat. He’d have to spend at least ten more minutes here, or else risk running into Isaac again, and he didn’t want to do that to the boy. [/div] © melly welly from caution 2.0 | LYRICS BY FLORENCE & THE MACHINE 546 WORDS | NOTES: It's so strange writing Xzuun like this. It's so weird seeing him pursue someone. [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jun 27, 2012 10:48:29 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – SIX-THREE-SIX | THOUGHTS – EW, I'M NOT GIVING YOU MUCH TO WORK WITH -_- SORRY. | Isaac was always the boy you’d find sitting in the corner and talking to himself. Well…of course he wasn’t talking to himself, he was talking to his two alter personalities, the only two that actually could stick by him and whom he could be at peace with…at times of course, if Kyle wasn’t in one of his sulky teenage moods again or if Jacob wasn’t in a tantrum. Sometimes the both of them wouldn’t speak at all, they would just…disappear; that was definitely the right word to say but Isaac never had any idea where they disappeared. They would just be gone one day; lately it hadn’t been happening frequently. The only thing that occurred most was the both of them taking over even more, as there were longer periods of time where Isaac had patchy spaces in his memories. But that didn’t annoy Isaac or upset him one bit, he was used to this all now and he was there to take care of them and show him that he was alright; he knew he was a strong person because of what he had to deal with everyday. Of course he wasn’t the only one. There were several cases of multiple personality disorder around the world; especially in the Western areas and they probably suffered even longer and with even more alters than he had.
A lot of people had personalities who had different disorders themselves even! Kyle was obviously depressed, but that was sometimes simple and easy enough to deal with in comparison to the many other disorders out there such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Kyle could be calmed quick enough if there were the right pair of hands to help him out. Isaac didn’t even know who helped them out at times, whenever he blacked out he was always at home with his nanny, so it was obviously her. Outside, the other alters had learnt to only come out only if Isaac allowed them to, which was pretty rare because Isaac didn’t want to seem like a freak already in this small town. He didn’t know who his friends were, he didn’t know what he did last night and with whom at times and he was always meeting random people who always seemed to remember him but he never did; it was always a scary meeting with them and Isaac always had to pretend he knew the people that had come up to him.
He raised an eyebrow as Xzuun asked him a question. Kyle already answered it in his head, ‘no!’ Citing that Xzuun was a freak and seemed far too clingy, Jacob on the other hand was all far too eager to make another friend and Isaac was torn between the two personalities. On the one hand, he loved Jacob like a little brother and didn’t like making him upset, but on the other hand, he did feel the same way towards Kyle as well, so it would be a tough decision to make both alters happy. It was like the psychodynamic perspective; something he had learned in interest, his ID was fighting with his ego and he was just…being pulled along by himself. Biting his lower lip awkwardly, he shrugged his shoulders. “You can…you don’t have to, all I’m going to do is read anyway.” He shrugged his shoulders once more, a polite smile on his face as he moved towards the table closest to the windows’ he liked basking in the sun, even if it was through a pane of glass. Pulling back a chair he sat down slowly, reaching into the small satchel resting against his hip, he pulled out a pair of dark, thick rimmed glasses and placed them on his face, pushing it up against his nose with an index finger before opening his book. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2012 10:57:35 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
Isaac hadn’t given him a very straight answer about whether he should stay or go, so Xzuun decided to act off the vibe of unapproachability that Isaac was sending off. He decided to leave with a simple, “I’ll see you around,”
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[/color] and headed out of the library after one backwards glance at Isaac in the corner reading. It was stupid that he should feel guilty. That didn’t make any sense. There was nothing that Xzuun could have done to make Isaac better at that moment, because he didn’t seem broken today. Maybe he just felt bad for forcing himself upon Isaac. Whatever it was that was bothering him, he didn’t like the feeling, so he tried to ignore it. Two weeks past without event. Xzuun didn’t see Isaac except occasionally in passing from opposite sides of the street or out the restaurant window. Each time, it reminded Xzuun that he needed to think of how to talk to Isaac without making him uncomfortable, but the more he thought about it, the more impossible the task seemed. He was foolish to think that he could ever manage such a task as this one. He should never have gotten attached, never have made it a goal to become someone’s friend and confidant, never have let himself want to solve someone else’s problems to feel better about his own. There was no way to justify his actions. It just didn’t work. But still, after two weeks of no contact, Xzuun found himself in the library again, reading the day away, hoping desperately that Isaac would appear and they could figure out what on earth this relationship of theirs was. He didn’t like being the annoying one that made life difficult for everyone. He didn’t let himself look up from his books until he finished each one respectively. So far he’d been through the first four Narnia books, and he had only moved to return each book to the shelf and get the next one. As much as he wanted to be monitoring the doorway, Xzuun told himself that the likelihood of Isaac coming in was very slight, and that he’d never get anything done in he looked up every time the bells on the door rang. Ideally, if Isaac appeared, he would be the one to approach the other, rather than Xzuun doing it once again. It was out of character for him, certainly, but no more so than what Xzuun was doing all the time. Everything was far too complicated. He didn’t know why he couldn’t let it go, but he had a feeling it was something along the lines of his story being too similar, which in itself was ridiculous because Xzuun knew next to nothing about the boy. In any case, Xzuun didn’t even care about himself this much. Weren’t people always saying that you had to be able to like yourself before you could like someone else? He shouldn’t care about Isaac or what he was doing. One insignificant teenager shouldn’t be taking over his mind in a vain attempt to save him from himself. He had to go back to just reading at that point. This subject was more complex than he wanted to mess around with today. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jun 30, 2012 9:33:51 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – SIX-SEVEN-NINE | THOUGHTS – HAHA, I ALREADY THINK YOU'RE GREAT! | All right, so he felt bad about just brushing Xzuun off but come on, Isaac didn’t like making friends, he had Jacob and Kyle and his nanny and also some of the people fro the supermarket whom he worked with, he didn’t really need anyone else. A curt nod towards Xzuun, he awkwardly shuffled himself around and moved to another table, one that was deep in the trenches of the library and shoved himself into the corner table as much as he could without bringing any sort of attention to himself. He never did like being the centre of attention and his alters usually helped him with that because the other two did not mind being the centre of attention, they didn’t mind enlisting a huge crowd and doing anything in front of them. They were both just far too different from Isaac’s own personality.
The next few weeks weren’t all that horrible, he did see Xzuun a few times but thankfully the boy never spoke to him and that made Isaac feel completely at ease, he didn’t need or want anyone trying to enter his life just to find out what was wrong with him. He had his therapist to do that and his nanny was always helping him along the way, but no one else was needed. It seemed pretty sad that Isaac felt as if he didn’t need or want anyone in his life, but he was trying hard wasn’t he? He was trying to let people in, even if it was through Jacob and Kyle instead of himself. But in a way, it did show that he himself was sociable…just without his personality being shown instead, wasn’t that fine? Probably not. People should be friends with him because of his own personality, he shouldn’t have had to rely on both of the others to make friends…but Isaac felt that without Kyle or Jacob in his life, he wouldn’t be as…confident (I guess you could say that) as he was now. He actually did rely on the other two quite a bit more than they relied on him.
A sigh escaped his mouth as he realised he had finished the book he had taken from the library a week or so ago, and now it was time to go back and return it. It was sometimes difficult to read stories when you had different personalities. Isaac would finish at one point, an alter would take over, read until another point and then Isaac would have to read from the very first point again just so he knew what was going on in the story. Jacob always had nanny read it out to him, he could read but he found it much better when someone else read. Kyle…well Isaac had no idea if Kyle did read the books, but it did seem like he sometimes did read them because he did know what was going on in the book at particular points when ever he was asked by nanny.
Exiting the house, he made his way towards the library, slowly walking because he didn’t want to get there too fast and he sure as hell could use the fresh air for a bit. The only fresh air he received had been from walking back and forth from the supermarket to do his job and that was that. As he reached the steps of the library only after a few minutes, he hissed in pain, a sudden ‘Oh no’ flashed through his mind before Isaac was taken away and was replaced by…Kyle. Now this was a surprise, ever since they had started living in Caroline, Kyle had refused to come out, but here he was. A smirk was placed on his, well Isaac’s, lips and he trudged up the stairs. A new essence and aura surrounding the body of Isaac, he loped, a sort of ‘swag’ in his walk. Licking his lips he entered the library, his eyes had a different hardness to it as he held onto the small book that fitted expectedly around Isaac’s large hands. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2012 12:16:19 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
Thanks to the years of training his self-control, Xzuun didn’t look up at the sound of the bells and thus didn’t notice that Isaac had entered the library until after turning the final page of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and heading over to put it away. He didn’t say anything to him, though, recounting the tragedy that was their last conversation. Though it had been about two weeks since then, the whole thing still sort of haunted him. If he was honest about it, he was a bit afraid that Isaac was holding it against him. That was probably an irrational thought, but his mind was known for its excessive amount of irrational thought. (Case in point: his numerable fears; what logic was there in being afraid of people cursing? Or his reflection? Those things couldn’t hurt him, but he was petrified by them anyway.)
Xzuun watched the younger man for only a moment, only long enough to notice that something was different. The way he held himself had changed somehow, though Xzuun wasn’t exactly sure what it was. He didn’t dwell long on it. For all he knew, it had just been a while since he’d seen Isaac. It was entirely possible that he just remembered him wrong.
He sat back down at his table after getting The Silver Chair off the shelf. Holding his head in one hand and the book in the other, he leaned his back against the wall and his arm on the table. It probably looked like an awkward position to be in, but he was rather comfortable.
And for a change, he wasn’t actually distracted by Isaac’s being there. He read about Eustace Scrubb and Jill Pole in Narnia and he didn’t connect any of it to reality. The fantasy book was allowed to be a fantasy book, and he didn’t think about how the pair of them were from England like Isaac, or how Eustace’s transformation from the beginning of the previous book to the beginning of this one was sort of like how Isaac was different today. No, he was completely into the book, and Isaac’s presence meant nothing to him. Well. Next to nothing, at least.
It didn’t make sense to him why those things weren’t happening, but he certainly wasn’t disappointed. He felt sort of creepy sometimes when he found himself distracted by the boy, even though he had innocent intentions. Everyone needed someone to check in on them every so often, and something in Xzuun’s mind just told him that he had to be that someone. It was illogical and unexplainable, but it was there, nonetheless.
However, it would have been a lie if he said that part of him wasn’t waiting for Isaac to come over and talk to him. There was no more reason behind this desire than there was behind the belief that it could happen, but--just like the force that told him that they were supposed to be friends--it wasn’t explainable, it was just there.
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Post by isaac on Jun 30, 2012 14:31:32 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – FIVE-FOUR-TWO | THOUGHTS – BLARG! | Kyle was the complicated alter, it was rare for him to come out, especially in broad daylight where any old hag could see him, but he had been stifled enough and he needed some of that fresh air that Jacob had been receiving more than him. Of course, there wasn’t much inside a stuffy old library, but it was better than nowhere at least. Jacob whimpered a little, which made Kyle want to snigger, gosh he was such a baby, but this was what he got coming out a few years too late. He felt Jacob dwindling down into just a few whispers inside of his mind, a confused look flashed across his face for a second before he smiled once more. Yes, it was probably weird that he was standing right at the entrance of the library, looking down at the floor and smiling to himself, but Kyle was always pretty much different and that was the way it was; and that was probably why Jacob had decided to retrieve back to wherever he always went. He had no idea where he ever went whenever he retrieved to the back of the mind, it was as if he just fell asleep really and that was all that Kyle ever did these days.
Looking down at the book in ‘his’ hands, he raised an eyebrow and went in search of a good book, this was a good book, no doubt about that, but Kyle was always more into the mystery sides of things so that was the section he went to. A look at all the books and he wondered if Caroline ever ordered any new shippings of books, all the books on the shelves seemed old and rather dusted; but he decided to hold his tongue. New town, new life, new ages, Kyle couldn’t destroy this one for Isaac. A sigh left his mouth, an annoyed look on his face as he realised how attached he had become to Isaac. But then again, who could blame him? The teenager spent ages awake just listening to the other teenager’s thoughts, Kyle always had his tongue bitten down on, he didn’t want to say anything just in case it ever gave Isaac any different ideas.
A smile spread across his features, well as close to a smile as Kyle could muster up, as he found a book that seemed…pretty much all right. It was one that Isaac had read before and Kyle quite liked it, an almost common book found nowadays, ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ a very big classic. Leaving the other book on the return pile of the desk, he looked around the library, a few moments of peace and with nothing to distract him or interest him, Kyle smirked as he found the creepy guy that was always asking Isaac how he was. Loping over towards the guy at the table, he pulled back a chair and sat back, Isaac’s normally tense shoulders all relaxed, his smirk far too easy going and his body too…soft. “What’s up creepy guy?” A chuckle escaped his lips before a ‘shh’ came from the librarian. With a roll of the eyes, he opened the book and tried to become absorbed with the first few words. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2012 15:14:52 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
When he was finally drawn out of the book, it was by a voice he recognized, but a tone he didn’t. For one thing, Xzuun couldn’t see Isaac ever saying something like that. The boy he knew--or hand thought he knew--was much more reserved than that, and too afraid of offending to say what he’d just heard. The fact that he was even willingly sitting with him was a bit of a shock on it’s own, if he really thought about it.
He looked up at the boy in front of him, trying to process what he was seeing and what he heard and how they could possibly fit together. “Are...are you feeling okay?”
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[/color] he asked. “You seem different.”[/color] After the remark was topped off with the laugh and the eye roll, Xzuun was certain that something was off. He didn’t know what was going on, but it seemed like an extremely unfunny joke. It confused him and upset him. Just when he’d thought that he had at least started to get to know the boy... But Xzuun was almost afraid to push it. He had no idea what to expect Isaac to say next. This is why he didn’t talk to people. They were confusing and two-faced and things were a lot easier if he just stayed away from all of that. After that, though, he went back to his book, trying to push Isaac out of his mind, like he had kept him so effectively for a good several minutes just a bit ago. It wasn’t working as well this time. He felt almost guilty, as though he was responsible for this change in Isaac’s behavior. That was ridiculous, of course, as he hadn’t spoken to him in two weeks. He can’t have broken anyone if he had stayed away. Xzuun thought about it for a while, as much as he didn’t want to, and realized that this had to be new. He hadn’t been like this when Xzuun saw him other places in the past weeks. He’d held himself like Isaac. Sometimes he seemed to be in a better mood than usual, but this here was different. It seemed like someone else had taken over his body entirely. That was a terrifying thought. Xzuun didn’t know much about split personality disorders, so he didn’t consider that at first. His first conclusion was possession, which seemed a bit far-fetched but it seemed like it would fit. And he counted that as a genuine possibility, until he realized how much he was overreacting and decided that he didn’t even believe that things like that could happen. Isaac was just having a bad day, was all. It happens. Sometimes you don’t seem like yourself because something happens and you can’t react right. It was normal. It didn’t make you possessed. It was stupid that he’d even thought that way. He wasn’t one to jump to conclusions most of the time, and he didn’t know why he had to start now. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jul 1, 2012 8:18:27 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – FIVE-TWO-NINE | THOUGHTS – BLARG! | Kyle was sort of pretty much used to creating trouble wherever he went, not humongous, oh my gosh someone’s going to die, sort of trouble, but just the normal sassiness that came with a fourteen year old boy. He tried to sass talk to anyone as much as he could (when he was bothered and wasn’t really as drunk off of his ass like most times) and he tried to create as much ruckus as possible. But today, he just needed that fresh air; he needed that moment to himself. He hadn’t told Isaac what he needed, because Isaac always tried to act like the older brother between the three personalities and Kyle wasn’t just in the mood for Isaac telling him that he should stay at home when he came out, he hadn’t even spoken to nanny whenever she had realised he had come out in the middle of the night; she obviously knew that Kyle needed some space and time to adjust to these new surroundings that is Caroline. Kyle did want to move, out of the watchful eyes of Isaac’s parents’, but now he was unsure, all these new people annoyed him to no end and he wondered how long it would take until Isaac saw what he felt. Kyle was just a complicated character; he felt as if everything had to go his way or no way. But that couldn’t happen all the time, could it?
Rolling his eyes at the dark haired boy sitting in front of him, Kyle shrugged his shoulders. “Never better of course. Why do you think I’m different? This is how I am all the time!” Kyle rolled his eyes once more, the bright green eyes of Isaac’s, changing into a slight grey due to the fluorescent lights of the library that stayed on no matter what time of the day. Turning his gaze from Xzuun, he began to open the thick, tattered book that seemed to have been used so many times in this library and he instantly lost himself in the first few words. This book always gave him chills, and the film was no exception either; it made him think quite a bit. A sigh escaped his mouth as he turned a few pages and read on.
A couple of chapters later, his eyes began to sting from tiredness, folding the tip of the page he was at, he stood up and stretched himself, a yawn escaping from his mouth. His hands moved to his eyes and rubbed at them, hoping to wake him up soon. He didn’t want to fall asleep now, he was going to go on a prowl to find a club somewhere around here. Isaac had hardly ever toured the small town yet so he was unsure of if there were any places where he would like. Standing on his tiptoes he stretched his legs to, grateful that there weren’t that many people watching him, yes h was being a bit too loud, but come on, for Kyle to be far too quiet was next to impossible. Sitting back down he looked at Xzuun in front of him. “Hey, you got a cigarette?” |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2012 8:59:17 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
By the time Isaac spoke to answer his question of if he was feeling alright, Xzuun was already convinced that something was wrong. No matter how much the younger boy claimed to be the same, there was no way that he was like this all the time. Xzuun didn’t want to believe it and he therefore refused to.
“Oh...okay. If you’re sure.”
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[/color] Xzuun spent a few minutes after that pretending to read while really trying to remember anything Isaac had ever done that was like how he was acting now. Racking his brain, he concluded that there was literally nothing that could explain how Isaac was acting, no signs that could have prepared him for such a complete change in personality. He didn’t know how to react, so he ignored it. That was a surefire way to not keep overreacting. He was a fast reader, so when he finally stopped thinking about the boy beside him, he barreled through The Silver Chair and was only a few chapters from the end when Isaac stood up. And for a little while, Xzuun was relieved. It would be easier for him to focus on reading without the looming presence of Isaac Who Wasn’t Isaac there beside him. If the younger boy left, things would be no more complicated than they had been for the past two weeks, which wasn’t very complicated. It was easy, now, for Xzuun to stay away from people, even with his curiosity regarding Isaac. After today’s change, he was perhaps more curious, but also quite a bit more wary, so he didn’t mind when it appeared that Isaac was leaving. After a moment watching him, Xzuun went back to his book, expecting only to hear a ‘goodbye’ from Isaac, and that was simple enough that he could respond to it with only half a mind paying attention. So when he heard something completely different, he was caught off guard. Smoking was a habit that Xzuun could never understand. He had always hated the smell (it reminded him too much of home) and after all the stuff they were taught at school about the effects, it turned him off completely to the idea. And it wasn’t like he would ever spend the money on something so unnecessary. There were more important things to pay for. “Er, no, I don’t, actually. Sorry.”Xzuun wasn’t exactly sure which was more unusual: the fact that Isaac smoked or the fact that the thought that Xzuun did, too. Neither one seemed believable, and he was rather confused as to how Isaac could delude himself into thinking there was a chance that Xzuun would have a cigarette. But he was probably over-thinking it. He was known to do that. It was always hardest to stop thinking about things that he would have preferred to not think about at all. His mind was out to get him. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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Post by isaac on Jul 6, 2012 10:19:42 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; padding: 6 6 6 6px; background-image: url(http://i54.tinypic.com/ngwn6b.png); -moz-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 40px 0px 40px 0px; border: 2px #F2EFEB solid;]can i start again with my faith shaken? XZUUN | WORD COUNT – FOUR-FIVE-SEVEN | THOUGHTS – MMM, I LOVE HARRY STYLES ^^ | Jacob had never liked Kyle from the first glance he had inside the boys’ head. Well all right, he had actually because Jacob always liked everyone and always gave them a chance no matter what. But he knew there was something off about the other personality who had joined the mind of Isaac, he was more dark, more cunning and more moody and quiet than the rest. When Kyle had first come out during one of the therapy sessions that Isaac had gone to, it wasn’t only Isaac who had felt the pain in his mind, it was Jacob as well and it wasn’t a good feeling at all. Jacob always tried to prevent pain from being inflicted on Isaac whenever he appeared but it was difficult to control and after a while Isaac did get used to it, but Kyle’s pain was stronger as if he wee inflicting all the pain he had gone through in his life. Which was weird wasn’t it? Alters were at different ages so where were they for the first few years of their lives? Jacob didn’t remember much from when he first came out; although he did know about Isaac’s life quite a bit. It was as if he were just at the back of Isaac’s mind before he came out but it wasn’t proven yet.
In Isaac’s mind, he had no idea what to think of Kyle from the beginning. The fourteen year old who had just come out from nowhere was annoying, rude and definitely didn’t care about whose body he was in and whose body and mind he was destroying due to his cutting and constant drinking. He didn’t seem to care, but Isaac was never going to say anything. There obviously must have been something wrong with him since he had two alters come out, he must have had gone through a harder time than he had thought during his childhood. His therapist had tried to unlock his mind, try to get him to remember things that had happened in his past, for some reason Kyle always said he knew the answers but no one had believed him. The boy was not to be trusted much, but nothing could be kept away because he obviously could listen to Isaac’s thoughts. There were always small and petty arguments between the three but the had learnt to live together in (not so perfect) harmony.
A sigh escaped from Kyle’s mouth and he shook his head. “Damn. You have nothing? LSD? Cannabis? Anything? Don’t you even have a bit of rum?” An annoyed expression flashed across Isaac’s features and Kyle moved Isaac’s hand, brushing the insane amount of curls that was flopping over his eyes and blurring his vision.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 13:17:09 GMT -7
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 1em; -moz-border-radius: 1em; background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2wom9du.png), width: 400px; height: 400px;] Sometimes I wish for falling, Wish for the release I’ll dance with myself, I drunk myself down, Found people to love, Left people to drown, I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't be scared at all…
Xzuun didn’t even know what some of that was, much less where to get it, and even less so why Isaac would expect it of him. This whole situation was beyond confusing and he couldn’t figure out how Isaac was just being so cool and calm about it. Had he not noticed the small things and not decided that the change was complete, Xzuun might have thought again that this was some sort of elaborate joke. If Isaac had been younger, he could have considered that it could be some sort of undercover work to catch people dealing drugs to minors or something, but there was no reason for anyone to think something like that of him, and anyways he and Isaac were so close in age that it couldn’t be that.
He was running out of ideas. Nothing made sense to him. And in his experience, not understanding made him a victim, so his mind went into defensive mode. The walls went up, eye contact was broken, and he retreated into himself.
“No,”
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[/color] he said simply, trying to make himself go back to reading, but being completely unable to focus now. The subject of drugs and alcohol brought him back to his childhood. His father was always violent, of course, but everything was worse depending on what substance he was using that night. Xzuun had been too young then to know the differences between them all, of course, but he noticed the effects. Some days his father had far more energy and would seek out a chase. Other days he seemed barely functional. It was terrifying, not knowing what to expect next. It wasn’t as though he had spent enough time with his father to know what was making him like this. When he wasn’t at school, Xzuun was hiding in his room, avoiding the living room at all costs, because that was where his dad was, usually surrounded by empty bottles and a thick haze of some sort of smoke. If Aaron himself wasn’t enough to keep Xzuun away, the smell usually was. The father and son wanted nothing to do with each other, but Xzuun’s motivation was fear, whereas Aaron’s was loathing. Fear seemed to be a bigger deterrent overall, as Aaron sought out conflict multiple times a day. Stop it. You can’t think like this.Mentally shaking himself, he went back to thinking about how unusual Isaac’s behavior seemed to be. Did the boy really expect Xzuun to carry all these things around with him? Or was he asking him to go get it for him? He wasn’t sure, but neither theory made any sense to him. Isaac shouldn’t expect things like that. What was the thinking, exactly? He wished that he knew how to ask questions like that. There was so much in his life that he had wondered but never dared to seek the answer to. It was rude to ask some things, and so he usually just assumed that whatever he wanted to know was one of those things. [/div] [/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center] |
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