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Post by elias kellin kastra on Jun 28, 2012 21:57:46 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 200px; height: 500px;] keep all your memories, all they mean to me, close to you, keep all the memories, close to
you it’s so hard for me to let go of you but I’m coming back, its getting harder to keep my head above - - - - - - - - ► keep all the memories In truth, Nathan wasn’t the only guilty one of this all. Elias consistently felt guilty. He felt like it was all his fault that either one of his siblings had ditched the town that was meant to be left behind and even more so he felt terrible for not following them or at least running after them. Before he went crazy at Nathan he wished he could consider how he was still at fault for not even looking for Nathan, instead expecting Nathan to come back to him. Why would Elias even expect Nathan to come back after all this town had put him through, or after all he had put through the town? Nathan had every right to leave but all the pent-up emotions within Elias were brewing over and he couldn’t help but be selfish.
There was something different about Nathan, and it wasn’t just his eye color. Normally if Elias were to speak to his brother like this he’d get a reaction less intense. Nathan always used to seem so submissive and quiet in comparison. Clearly a lot had changed. Of course, Elias couldn’t see enough changing to make him think any differently of the matter. He was still the older brother, he was still in control and he was still the stronger one in this family. Elias took in a deep frustrated breath and closed his eyes for a moment as he listened to his brother. Nathan was right, but Elias was too stubborn to fully comprehend all the knowledge he was taking in.
“I get that, Nathan,” Elias emphasized his brother’s name and then opened his eyes to look right into Nathan’s, “But did you ever think that there was other people… you know like Calliope or fuck if I know your older brother? I tried to protect you when that asshole was around and then you just leave? Didn’t you think I’d come with you or something,” Elias took one of his hands and pushed Nathan’s shoulder. He didn’t mean to be overly physical but just felt like he need to do something, maybe just shake something into Nathan to make him realize that he had been just as selfish and Elias didn’t realize he was in that moment.
its so hard for me to let go of you
TAGS: nathan , LYRICS: blessthefall , NOTES: it's a good post! template made by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 |
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Post by nathaniel james kastra on Jun 30, 2012 1:56:33 GMT -7
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AND I JUST BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOU [/style]AT LEAST YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I'M GOOD AT
It was easy to forget how things were when Nathan was younger. He knew he had the events of his youth tattooed on the inside of his brain. He could no longer remember the names of his school tormentors though, just vauge faces and voices. There were a few foggy scenes, the bad ones stood out the most. It was as if these things didn't matter. Or it was the fact that they all blurred together. He felt strange thinking that he used to be the little boy cowering in his room all the time. He knew he was connected to this boy, but it was looking at an old photograph of yourself. At first, you don't know its you, and then you suddenly see the resemblance. You don't remember the moment, but its you, sitting in the picture, smiling back and you just know that its you sitting there. It felt the same for the present though, he could look at himself and not believe it was him. He was amazed at the man he turned out to be, unsure of what the future would bring.
Nathan could feel the fire growing inside him at Eli's words, his eyes not leaving his brother anymore. So many things were flying through his head at that moment. Then, Eli pushed his shoulder. It wasn't a harsh thing, but Nathan could feel the anger behind it. In a fluid movement, Nathan stood, his arm pushing back and slam!. The burning of his fist was Nathans first indicator that he had punched Elias. The second was Eli clutching his cheek. He was also shouting. “Protect me?! You never protected me! You just made things worse! Every time you got in shit, who do you think Joshua went to? Whenever you tried to stop him, it just made him more angry. No matter what you did, he'd just come after me, again and again,” Nathan could feel his eyes blurring, his throat closing. He always blamed Eli. Or a part of him did. “And like I ever thought about Calli. She made it fucking worse, leaving messes I would be blamed for, getting into more trouble than you. Maybe you tried to protect me, but you didn't make it better, you didn't try. All I needed was someone to talk to. Someone to tell me that everything was alright and it to be fucking true for once.”
tagged - elias | lyrics - runaway | notes - brotherly fights<3
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Post by elias kellin kastra on Jun 30, 2012 4:06:02 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 200px; height: 500px;] keep all your memories, all they mean to me, close to you, keep all the memories, close to
you it’s so hard for me to let go of you but I’m coming back, its getting harder to keep my head above - - - - - - - - ► keep all the memories The last thing that Elias had ever expected was for Nathan to actually fight back with Elias. Maybe he had been wrong for even touching Nathan in that second because that was all it took for Elias to crouch over in pain. There wasn’t even enough time for Elias to think of anything else except for the sudden intense pressure and pain being pressed into his skin.
“Nathan what the fuck?” Elias yelled at the top of his head right when Nathan started yelling. His hand rested onto his cheek and then reached up towards his eye feeling the swelling. That was going to leave a mark. When the hell had his brother gotten so strong?
Elias attempted to jump back into the right thought process. He wanted to hear the words that his brother was saying but for the most part it just sounded like some gibberish that Elias hardly had interest of hearing right after he got hit in the face, especially since it was by his younger brother.
Everything that Nathan was saying about Calli was true but Elias refused to feel guilty. He wouldn’t let himself be. Half the reason he was always sticking up for people in his family was because he never wanted to feel guilty for the damage that had been caused in the house, regardless of how responsible he was for it all.
“Fuck, Nathan” Elias tried to remove his hand from his eye but it stung so bad that removing any pressure from it made it even worse. Instead, now, Elias was looking at Nathan through one angry eye. It was actually depressing how it looked, “You think I’d be able to tell you that everything was going to be great? That one day our life would be picture fucking perfect?” Elias was well aware that he was cursing, an old habit of his he thought he had dropped, “Guess what? I couldn’t say any of that shit to you! I tried that with Calli and she went postal! It was safer just to not lie to you about that shit, and holy mother of God my eye hurts,” Elias cursed some more, turning around for only half a second just to not actually look at Nathan. He still couldn’t even believe that this had even happened.
“Hell, no matter how fucked up things got at home I never thought that in the end it would end up like this,” Elias’s one hand gestured to where they were now. Slowly, he took the other hand away from his face but he could still feel the swelling. In the back of his mind all he wanted to do was ask for a an ice pack of sorts but he couldn’t bring himself to ask such a silly question in the middle of this all.
its so hard for me to let go of you
TAGS: nathan , LYRICS: blessthefall , NOTES: omfg yes yes yes. template made by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 |
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Post by nathaniel james kastra on Jul 12, 2012 14:26:41 GMT -7
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AND I JUST BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOU [/style]AT LEAST YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I'M GOOD AT
It didn't bother Nathan one bit that he had punched his brother. Every part of him felt glad at this fact. Eli deserved it, deserved it for years and Nathan had never been strong enough to do it. Even if Elias was right in his own aspects, some people did honestly need a knock on the head to get some sense into them. Sadly, this did not seem to make Elias see anymore sense.
“I'm glad that it ended up like this,” Nathan snarled, turning his back to Elias. He didn't even care anymore. Why did Eli have to be here still? Nathan wanted him to get out of his house, out of his life. The worse part was, his words made a little sense. Nathan ignored that, focusing his thoughts on his self, something he rarely did. Of course Eli never thought things would end up like this, no one ever did. Who would suspect little Nathan Kastra to go crazy one day. Before he confessed to the shooting, the police had no idea who it could have been. Everyone in this town was so niave, Nathan couldn't believe it. He had learned so much in juvie, the world made so much more sense now. He had been so blinded by Caroline before that he didn't realize people were, by nature, evil beings. They only cared for themselves, and everything be damned, if someone else got in the way of their own success, people would tear them down. Even those who would believe that they were good were never as good as they liked to think. It was a fact that the more people surrounding an emergency, the less chance that one of them would call 911 to aid in another persons life. Humans were cowards, and as time went by, their bubbles of attention grew smaller and smaller. Calli was not the only one that had gone postal, that was for sure. Nathan had done worse, whether or not Elias had lied to him. Nathan rubbed his fist, wishing that Elias would leave but not wanting to ask him. More than anything, he wanted a reason to punch his brother again.
tagged - elias | lyrics - runaway | notes - nathan you dink
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Post by elias kellin kastra on Jul 14, 2012 10:09:57 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 200px; height: 500px;] keep all your memories, all they mean to me, close to you, keep all the memories, close to
you it’s so hard for me to let go of you but I’m coming back, its getting harder to keep my head above - - - - - - - - ► keep all the memories What did Nathan just say? Elias couldn’t believe his ears. Part of him wanted to believe that it was just a trick of his mind, that maybe his brother punched him so hard that he was hearing things that weren’t actually there. But he knew it was his brother. He saw his brother’s lips move, and he knew his brother’s voice now, regardless of how much it, and apparently so much more had changed over the years.
“What did you just say Nathan?” He had to ask, but it was completely rhetorical, “Did you just say you were glad that it ended up like this? Are you fucking mad?” Elias flew his arms up in the air with frustration. Did Nathan even know what he was saying anymore? “Nathan, you shot a guy, and you killed him!” Elias stated this fact blunt. He couldn’t tip-toe around his brother anymore since, clearly, Nathan wasn’t going to tip-toe anything around Elias either.
Elias moved in a little closer to Nathan, maybe because he wanted to intimidate his brother, but it was more so because he felt like he needed to be mentally close to his brother as well. He didn’t understand what was going on in that head of his. All he wanted to do was actually be able to understand where Nathan was coming from and how in the world he had gotten to this point. Elias knew that Nathan was tortured by Joshua six years ago, but it wasn’t Joshua that he had taken the gun to. Maybe if it had been Joshua Elias would have felt a little differently. Maybe he would have even been relieved. But no, this was some innocent kid at their high school.
“You can’t just think that killing a guy is okay and that makes everything in life to this point fine, how can you be glad you killed someone? How can you be content with the fact that another person’s life was in your hands and you were responsible for taking it all awa—” It was in that moment that Elias was abruptly cut off.
its so hard for me to let go of you
TAGS: nathan , LYRICS: blessthefall , NOTES: omfg yes yes yes. template made by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 |
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Post by nathaniel james kastra on Jul 30, 2012 19:39:20 GMT -7
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 380px; height: 400px; background-color: 4f4e4d; -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius: 30px 30px 30px 30px; border: 0px solid #414141;]
AND I JUST BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOU [/style]AT LEAST YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I'M GOOD AT
Nathan punched Elias. He punched him again, because he didn't want to hear the words coming out of Elias mouth. Elias was talking too much and Nathan was sick of it. He also did not like the ring of truth in Elias' words. Eli should have known that Nathan knew that he killed someone. He knew an innocent boy was dead because of him. There was no changing that, no altering the path. To be honest, Nathan couldn't remember why he pulled the trigger when he did. All he could remember was the shot and the blood. He was so young then. He could see his small self, just a ghost of a boy. He was no one then, he had nothing. Nathan was young and confused and didn't know what to do with himself. It had all been a matter of circumstance. If A had not happened, then it would not lead to B and then X, and this all ended with Nathan shooting a boy. Or perhaps that was the start. Nathan was in no way responsible for that kids life or for any kids life and the boy should not have got in his way. That was what happened, Nathan realized. The boy had stood up in front of Nathan. He stood up to Nathan and told him to stop. He remembered now, memories flushing back. He'd stood up for the other kids like no one had for him. Nathan could remember thinking these words and pressing the trigger. His fist was swinging at Elias again, weaker, but aimed at his stomach. “Get out of my house!” it could have been a shout or a whisper, Nathan didn't know. The words were just there. He shoved his brother, not caring, not thinking. He could say nothing else because of the inexplicable rage boiling in his guts. Nathan had nothing to say to Eli, nothing at all. How could he have been happy Eli was here? He had illusioned himself by thinking things would be alright. He was a fool. The world was not kind to men like him, men who had blood on their hands and scars on their bodies.
tagged - elias | lyrics - runaway | notes - FIN
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