if you say goodbye today | caleb

[oliver rhys cardinal]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww30/Panda22Panda22/mnbvc.jpg);  -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the hardest part of this is leaving you Cancer had not been treating Oliver well. Not that it was exactly a nurturer for anyone, but it seemed to particularly hate Oliver. A day didn’t go by without a pounding headache in the morning, and the medication he had to take for it usually made him sleepy and took away his appetite, even though he was supposed to take it with food. Regardless of if he did what he should or not, he spent a good portion of his time throwing up. The doctors told him that would probably happen as a side effect of the tumor, which explained why it had been happening before being hospitalized at first, but the radiation didn’t really help. That was expected, though. Radiation makes people sick, that’s why you’re not supposed to mess around with it. And yet, they were using it to try to make him better. The people at the hospital told him it was too early to know if he was improving physically, but mentally, things were undoubtably worse. It didn’t take the use of drugs to push him into hitting Caleb anymore. His stability slid downward slowly, catching himself shoving his boyfriend away and being unable to remember why, realizing only because of the stinging in his hand that he’d just slapped him... In a matter of a few weeks, there’d be entire minutes where it felt like someone else was controlling his words and actions. It was like he was watching what was happening and he couldn’t do anything about it. As he helplessly observed himself gradually becoming more violent, he was painfully aware of how much it was hurting Caleb. He didn’t have the shield of drugs making his perception blurred, and so he took in every movement, every expression, and every word Caleb made in protest. And he hated it--the feeling of being taken over and manipulated, the sight of Caleb being abused, and the fact that there was nothing he could do about either except beg Callie to forgive him every time. It was getting old for both of them, Oliver could tell. It was hard to get out of bed every day and not know when something would go wrong. Caleb was gone for most of every day, which left Ollie alone with his mood swings and head pains and nausea. When his boyfriend came home, it was both the best part of the day and the worst. He missed Caleb desperately when they weren’t together. That’s how it always had been, and cancer wasn’t going to take his feelings for his boyfriend away. But since his diagnosis, it was impossible to miss the tension in the air when they were together. They’d never really had any resolution in regards to their fight before they found out about the cancer, and they both seemed to be hesitant to bring it up now. On top of that, there was the cancer itself and the effect it was having on Oliver’s actions. Oliver knew Caleb well enough to understand what was going on in his mind. It was hard enough to stay with someone who hit you. Factor in the feeling of being obligated to stay because they’re dying... It had to make for a very confusing situation. He hated that he was putting Caleb into it, but there wasn’t much he could do. He tried to make Caleb understand that, but it was difficult. He apologized with almost every breath. He didn’t mean the things he was saying and doing. He was sorry and he loved Caleb and he never wanted to live without him. Hours were spent every day crying and pleading and trying to bring Caleb closer to him again, but it felt like things were falling apart irreparably. It wasn’t Caleb’s fault, Oliver knew and acknowledged that. There was only so much anyone could do in this sort of environment. But it was disappointing and frustrating to learn the hard way that sometimes love didn’t triumph over all. Pessimism made him realize what could be coming, but desperation made him refuse to believe it would. Caleb had to understand that this wasn’t what Oliver meant to be doing. It was just the tumor, the damnable cancer that was trying to kill him and ruining his life in the meantime. The day had already been so terrible. The two had fought the night before, and Oliver had said some stupid things he hadn’t meant. Caleb had come to bed eventually, but it was after Oliver had fallen asleep on his own. When Caleb got up for work, he had refused to speak to his boyfriend, dressing quickly and leaving without bothering to eat breakfast. Oliver, whose head hurt too much to argue, had let it happen. One of the worst parts of being sick so much was that he had nothing to do all day. He hadn’t been working for almost a month, out of fear that he’d snap on a client and ruin his entire business. So he spent a great deal of time sleeping, since there was nothing else to do and his meds made him tired. He almost always woke up when Caleb came home, but sometimes it was better that he stayed asleep. After all, he couldn’t hit anyone if he was asleep. He did wake up that day, as he’d crashed on the couch watching a movie and heard the door open. Rubbing his eyes in an attempt to make himself feel less tired, he sat up, turned off the movie that was long over, and made his way over to his boyfriend. Oliver hardly knew how to talk to Caleb anymore. Even at his homecoming, Oliver would delegate communication to the kisses and embraces, rather than employing words. That day, he felt small and fragile, and so he buried his face into Caleb’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist, hoping maybe that physical closeness could fix whatever was wrong with their relationship. But it didn’t, and Oliver knew it was ridiculous to hope it to. Caleb didn’t resist or anything, but the rest of the evening passed with little interaction. It felt like living with a stranger, never speaking, never standing too close, only stealing glances when it was certain that the other person wasn’t looking. It was killing him that it could be Caleb that felt so distant from him. Topping it all off, however, was when Oliver snapped. There was no reason for it anymore. There was no bending until breaking. There was just the tumor, which did what it wanted whenever it wanted. The evening had passed with fewer than a dozen words exchanged between them, which had to be a new low. Finally, shortly after dinner, Caleb started in his same routine of telling Oliver that they really ought to talk, but that wasn’t what the tumor wanted, and it was better than Caleb at getting its way. Oliver didn’t speak until after Caleb was on the ground. He watched his reaction carefully, almost amused by how, even weak from radiation, it was so easy to do this. “You’re pathetic. For fuck’s sake, Caleb. I have cancer. I’m sick from radiation therapy and I’m still stronger than you. I could kill you if I wanted to. It wouldn’t even be hard. You never even try.”

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Words: 1,234 Notes: i figured since Cancer is the song that got us into this mess, i might as well use the lyrics. Tag: Callie Bear

there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[caleb jay ierie]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #423c42;,true][cs=2] & SOMETIMES I CRY SO HARD FROM PLEADING` SO SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE NEEDLESS BEATING BUT BABY WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN AND OUT ITS WHERE YOU OUT TO STAYWHEN YOU GO WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----- yesterday
[atrb=width,240] It was hard, when someone you loved was hurting you so much. When the whole world seemed like it was crashing down around your shoulders. Caleb's luck had run dry. That wasn't even the point though. He didn't need luck to live a good life. It was easier, when things went well though. Who was to say, though. Things had always been good in Caleb's life, and he knew this was bad. What was worse than your love getting cancer and slowly getting sicker and dying and Caleb could feel it. Feel the shadow of death creeping towards the two of them. It hovered and tainted their life. Everything was so bleak now. Things at work were going good, Caleb knew this. He knew they were going to win this case and he was going to get a promotion. He'd been such an asset to the case. His boss told him this. However, Caleb could not be happy about this. He could not be happy about anything. He still felt there was a hole where his heart was. And yet, there was still something there. His love for Oliver. Despite how much he was hurt, he still loved him. This was Caleb. His first relationship, a boy who Caleb refused to talk about, was like this. The boy used and abused him and part of Caleb, a tiny shiveled peice of his heart, still very much loved that boy. Caleb was a man who could not get rid of a sweater until it was literally falling of his shoulders, how could he get rid of a man he loved? How could you live with someone, though when you feared for your very life? Ever since Oliver had been allowed to live at home, things had been getting worse. It had started small, just like when they first started dating. A little angry burst here, a harsh hand to Caleb's arm there. It escalated so quickly. They fought more than they ever had before. Caleb fought back, waking up sometimes with his throat raw from the screaming. They fought about little things and stupid things and it didn't matter. They never touched the larger issues. It was just like before, before Caleb left and this damned cancer came along. They had never had a chance to talk, and they needed it. Caleb would try, and this was what usually started the fights. It wasn't even worth it, when Oliver acted the way he did. The doctor had explained to the both of them that it was the tumour that was causing Oliver to do these things. The tumour was in an area of Oliver's brain just so that it made him more violent, more angry. This was what Caleb tried to understand. It wasn't Oliver's fault. Oliver tried to apologize and every time Caleb even had a thought of leaving, Oliver would apologize or look at him or kiss him and Caleb would break. Just like he always did and things would just go back to normal. He felt though, he felt like Oliver could control it, could contain it. Sometimes the things that came from his mouth sounded so true and so honest and Caleb couldn't take it. How was he supposed to survive, when it seemed so much like Oliver did not care about him. How could this just be the tumour? How could he leave someone that was dying, though? Caleb had questioned his feelings before and had them come back and had them thrown around and crushed on the floor. So much of him said he loved Oliver. He always loved Oliver and he didn't know how to stop. But, did he love Oliver because he truly loved him, or did Caleb just say these things because Oliver was dying? Maybe some part of Caleb was just holding onto Oliver because he used to love him, and he couldn't let that go. There was a difference between letting something go and having it torn from him. Caleb did not like to give things up, he couldn't. He knew this about himself, and this lead him to question his feelings more and more. Did he love Oliver just because the man might have been torn away from Caleb? He didn't know. This made the hurt worse. It was more than physical, it was emotional. Caleb was sick of not knowing what to do. Caleb had never felt so distant from Oliver before. He felt like he had to distance himself, because he couldn't think with Oliver around. Not like he could think much better without him there. He was letting the anger get the most of him though. That was the dominating emotion, more and more often. Angry at Oliver and the things happening. Caleb felt the nagging notion that it would be better if he wasn't around. He was scared to be around Oliver because he was so angry, and Caleb didn't know how to deal with it. Oliver was dying, and he couldn't deal with it. It scared Caleb. He'd only had one person die on him, and that was his grandfather. So when he ended up on the floor that evening, he felt things suddenly making a close. Oliver had hit him out of nowhere, unbalancing Caleb, and then hit him again and had pushed him to the floor. It had been so sudden, but Caleb was used to it. Used to carrying the bruises to work and his boss giving him disapproving looks. The words were really what scared Caleb the most. 'I could kill you if I wanted to. It wouldn’t even be hard. You never even try.' He stood slowly, a strange feeling filling his stomach. “Kill me Oliver? Oh yeah. You could kill me. You've already ripped out my heart! I would let it happen, because I could never hurt you!” but Caleb pushed Oliver, shoved him back and away from him, the rage full in his body. He couldn't deal with this anymore. How could he love Oliver? He felt fear at the pit of his stomach, fear because Oliver was right. And what if he did kill Caleb? He doubted it would get that bad, Oliver couldn't do that. What did he know though? .	[atrb=width,140] words , 1,044 tagged , ollie bird! notes , asdsfdfhfhgkjhjl
[cs=2] TEMPLATE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING OF CAUTION 2.0

[oliver rhys cardinal]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww30/Panda22Panda22/mnbvc.jpg);  -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the hardest part of this is leaving you The half of Oliver that was conscious of what was going on was raising all the red flags, setting off all the emergency flares, and turning on all the alarms. This was bad. This was very bad. He was threatening Caleb’s life and Caleb was pushing him back and both of those things were completely new to them. It had never been like this before. Maybe he should have seen this coming, but he never could’ve dreamed it would’ve gotten this bad, this out of control. It made him hate himself, even though he had no way of making it stop. If he could have, he would. But the tumor was stronger than he was. Cancer put words in his mouth and power behind his punches, creating anger when no rational person would be angry. The cancer wanted to fight with Caleb, and so it did. Perhaps the worst of it was that everything Oliver said was already a thought in his mind, something he believed to be true, no matter how distorted the context made it. When he had the time to think about it, that must have made it so much harder for Caleb, because Caleb would realize that part of it, no matter how small, was still Oliver speaking. It was true that Oliver had the physical potential to kill his boyfriend. Saying it made it obvious. But surely Caleb must know that emotionally he could never do so? Oliver loved him, loved him more than he could put in to words. But to Caleb, it must have looked so different. Situations like this were on television all the time. A girl would get hit by her boyfriend and he’d delude her into believing he loved her, so she’d stay. It wasn’t like that. Oliver didn’t want Caleb to stay just so he’d have a punching bag. He needed Caleb in order to be able to breathe, to keep his heart beating, to fill the empty spaces inside of him that formed after years of being unsuccessful in love. Yet, as he staggered backwards under Caleb’s push, none of that made any difference. The chaos in his mind that was trying in vain to make him stop what he was doing had no effect, and he found that Caleb’s reaction just made everything worse. Caleb’s words stung the part of him that was still under his control, and it made him feel sick and weak. Caleb finally expressing that he didn’t believe Oliver still loved him was worse than any disease that the world could give him, and it shattered any resistance he had left in him. He was too hurt to fight himself, so the cancer was free to fight Caleb. “But you do, Caleb. How can you even say that, knowing how much it hurt that you left me? And even after you came back, you left in the hospital and you leave every day. I spend every day all alone and I never even know whether to expect you back at all. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve disappeared without a warning. I don’t want to die alone, Caleb. I need you. And you don’t even care.”

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This was almost gentle, compared with everything else had been happening lately. Today the tumor was evidently to guilt Caleb into something, make it look like Oliver was the victim, instead of victimizing Caleb. Either that, or the defeated side of Oliver was being scooped up in bits and pieces and being used against him.

He felt completely consumed. He was lost to the world and all that remained was the shell of who he once was and the cancer controlling it. The desperate feeling of wanting to cry and beg and somehow convince Caleb to love him again was gone because there was nothing left to feel it. This was the end, it had to be. Caleb would leave for good and the cancer would kill him slowly and then all at once and it wouldn’t even matter. Nothing mattered anymore.[/div]

Words: 684 because i suck and my brother is kicking me off Notes: this whole post is really confusing omg. but then again the whole situation is so i guess that's okay Tag: callie bear

there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[caleb jay ierie]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #423c42;,true][cs=2] & SOMETIMES I CRY SO HARD FROM PLEADING` SO SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE NEEDLESS BEATING BUT BABY WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN AND OUT ITS WHERE YOU OUT TO STAYWHEN YOU GO WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----- yesterday
[atrb=width,240] All his life, or a good portion from the middle teens onwards, Caleb had been looking for the perfect man. A prince charming to sweep him away into a perfect little life, house with with the white picket fence. Caleb had relationships to settle down, to stay with forever. And maybe that was why he couldn't let go. No matter what, Caleb had the damned notion in his head that he could fix things. It didn't matter if they cheated, if they were jerks, if they hit him. Caleb could fix it, he always could. This was not true though, and he always assumed whatever problems in the relationship stemmed form him. It was always his fault and thus if he tired to change it, it would be better. Caleb simply didn't understand that relationships were a two way thing. The other person could be at blame, and it wasn't always his job to fix things. Sometimes, thing just didn't work out. It was that simple. Whether there was such a thing as soul mates or not, some people were just not compatible. Or perhaps one person in the relationship had problems they needed to deal with alone. Caleb was a firm believer in dealing with problems by himself, but when it came to other people, he felt differently. He wanted them to talk to him about it, he felt guilty when he couldn’t help them with their problems. So when it came down to it, he didn't realize many people where much like him. Somethings just needed to be dealt with alone. Cancer, however, was not one of these things. Since when was Oliver so needy? Caleb knew that every time he went to work, Oliver would miss him. Part of Caleb would miss Oliver as well. However, Caleb had to work. He was basically the sole person in this house on whom they relied on for money. Olive’s job did bring in a decent amount to the house, but Caleb knew he was the person they depended on. He didn't care about that, he was fine with it. If anything, it brought him a sense of pride. He liked being able to care for Oliver. And he loved his job. It wasn't fair for him though, to go into work everyday feeling guilty for leaving Oliver alone all day. Caleb knew most of it was because Oliver sometimes had nothing to do at home. His work was not consistent and without Caleb there, there was little for Oliver to do. Caleb felt like Oliver could at least go out with friends, start a hobby, do something besides sit around all day waiting for Caleb. Oliver was a little dependant, but that was what Caleb loved about him. It was nice having his boyfriend waiting for him the second the door opened when Caleb arrived home from work. At the same time, now it was just a hassle. Caleb felt more and more like things between him and Oliver would not work out. “I have to leave! I can't just stay home all day! I have a job and I have a life and you should understand that! I don't even want to come home because all you do is push me around, and hit me. You always hit me and I hate it! I left because I can't deal with this!” he didn't even know what he was saying anymore. He didn't care. It hurt so much and he didn't want it to hurt anymore. Caleb didn't know what he was sad about. He'd never stood up for himself, and now he was picking the worst time to. Oliver was honestly scaring Caleb though, and he didn't know where he stood. He sighed, brushing his hand through his hair. This was the worst they ever fought, the worst Caleb ever fought with anyone. Usually he couldn't fight with people, he'd give in eventually. Even looking at Oliver now though, he couldn't muss up enough to actually stop himself. This was about his own well being, something Caleb didn't look after enough. “And I don't care Oliver. I really don't.” The words were a clear lie. Caleb could feel how much he cared with every beat of his heart, every pain in his chest. It would be easier for him to say he didn't care. But the world was never that kind. Caleb was just learning this now, far to late in his life. He walked away from Oliver, towards the kitchen. This was too much. Caleb stood facing the hook where the keys to the house where, thinking to himself. He snatched a pair of keys, walking back to Oliver. “I think it's best of if you just leave,” Caleb held the keys out to Oliver, not looking him in the eye.	[atrb=width,140] words , 805 tagged , ollie bird! notes , this thread is so sad omg D:
[cs=2] TEMPLATE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING OF CAUTION 2.0

[oliver rhys cardinal]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww30/Panda22Panda22/mnbvc.jpg);  -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the hardest part of this is leaving you It would have been so much easier, Oliver decided, if Caleb had never come back to begin with. He probably would’ve been dead by now, but that was no more than he had earned the past few weeks. It wasn’t just the physical abuse that was so terrible. It was the wish to be forgiven that was cruel, too, because he didn’t deserve it. Yet Caleb gave it so freely, stayed with him no matter how battered and bruised he became. The past weeks had been the worst in Oliver’s life, yes, but he knew they had to be worse for Caleb. He wanted to collapse, to let himself fall to pieces physically the way he felt emotionally. Since childhood, his immediate reaction when he was upset was to curl up and let everything out, and until now, he’d let it happen. Today, though, the cancer was determined and in control. Wish as he might, he wasn’t going to be able to cut this one short. Oliver didn’t know how fights ended. Every other time, Caleb caved or Oliver started crying and that was the end. Maybe that was why things had gotten so fucked up. They never finished anything, and so all the unfinished fights stacked up one against another. Why did it have to be now that they all came crashing down? Couldn’t it just wait until Oliver could think for himself, instead of now when his life was being run by a collection of mutated cells? It wasn’t fair. Everything was so fucking unfair. As much as he didn’t want to blame Caleb, though, Oliver couldn’t help feeling like his boyfriend was reacting badly. He was feeding the fire instead of trying to contain it and calm it down. Oliver heard Caleb’s words, but for a while they didn’t have any meaning to him. If Caleb had wanted to, if he really cared, he could have stayed home. Plenty of people did that. It was normal for people to stay home to take care of the sick, wasn’t it? Parents stayed home from work and spoon-fed their sick kids chicken noodle soup when they had colds. Certainly, their relationship was different, yes, but this was a little more serious than a runny nose and a cough. He needed someone to stay with him, make sure he was eating and taking his meds and doing something besides sleeping all day. Surely Caleb’s work would have understood? Caleb saying so plainly how he felt about Oliver hitting him was unbearable. It had always been obvious, of course. No one enjoyed going through things like this. But hearing it...Hearing it made it real, made it something that Oliver couldn’t deny anymore. Caleb hated what Oliver was doing, hated how he was acting, and it was only a small step away from hating him. After saying that Caleb didn’t care, Oliver had expected to hear an argument. Any other day, Caleb would have argued, told him that he did care, that he’d always care. Today was different, and Oliver knew he was wrong to believe that Caleb would have tried to convince him that he cared. It made sense for Caleb to be past the point of caring. Why should he care anymore? Oliver certainly wasn’t giving him any reason to. Hearing it made it real. Caleb didn’t care. Caleb didn’t love him anymore because there was no reason to. The man Caleb had been in love with would never have done these things to him. Oliver didn’t know what to say, and so he said nothing. What could he say? Even the cancer seemed to be satisfied by how things were turning out, as it didn’t have any angry retorts. He stood there in silence when Caleb disappeared into the kitchen. When he heard the sound of keys being taken off the wall, he realized it must be happening again. Caleb was abandoning him again. And he wouldn’t come back this time, that much was clear. This was the end, this was their last fight as a couple, they were breaking up. And there still wasn’t going to be any closure because Caleb was just running out again. So it came as a shock when Caleb appeared again, keys in hand. “I think it’s best off if you just leave.” He didn’t even meet his eye. It was impossible to know if it was still the cancer controlling his actions or if Oliver was consciously reacting, because the unfairness of the situation was enough to get to anyone. He was already being ravaged by emotions he didn’t want and couldn’t justify, forced to watch himself physically and verbally abuse the man he was so desperately in love with, and dying of a disease with no certain cure. And now he was being kicked out of his own home. It didn’t take cancer in his brain to make that upset him. Oliver took the keys from Caleb, pretending not to realize that his accidental brush of Caleb’s hand with his own would likely be the last time he ever touched him, and without a word, he turned to leave. He got a few steps before stopping for a moment, the severity of the situation freezing him. This was the end. A year and a half long relationship was over. He’d expected it to last forever, and it wasn’t going to. What he did next he did willingly, even though he might not have ever done so without the tumor egging him on. Maybe it was a subconscious decision he made to pick the exact book he had, but he grabbed at the book shelf and threw whatever his hand landed on toward Caleb. It was, he thought, the only time he ever really wanted to hurt Caleb, because this whole thing was so stupid. He was dying before. Now he was dying and homeless. If doing that to someone didn’t deserve a book flying at them, he didn’t know what did. Oliver missed, but he didn’t stay long enough to see. He’d already left the room when the photo album hit the wall and spilled its contents onto the floor. Stopping only to grab his pain medication, Oliver left the house, got into his car, and drove until he had to pull over, his eyes too full of tears to drive safely. This hurt so much worse than the cancer. Even if he lived through this disease, it didn’t matter. It would be better to die with Caleb than to live without him. Words: 1102 Notes: OH GOD FEELS Tag: Callie Bear there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[caleb jay ierie]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #423c42;,true][cs=2] & SOMETIMES I CRY SO HARD FROM PLEADING` SO SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE NEEDLESS BEATING BUT BABY WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN AND OUT ITS WHERE YOU OUT TO STAYWHEN YOU GO WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----- yesterday
[atrb=width,240] After all this time, this was how things were going to end? After all the days together and the 'I love you's and all the moments in each others arms. Caleb’s minds flashed to a million memories of them, a million and one. There were good and bad. Someone had once said that as long as the good outweighed the bad, everything would be alright. The good still lingered, but it was all in the past. In these few weeks, nothing had been good, not a single thing. Caleb didn't want this. He wanted to be happy and for things to be alright. He wanted to fix this, make the cancer go away. AS unfair as it was to Oliver, it was unfair to him as well. Cancer was a common thing, they said every person knew a person that had some form of cancer, or knew a person who was related. IT wasn't supposed to happen like this though. Not his mother, not his boyfriend. He didn't even have the hope of Oliver's tumour being benign. Because it wasn't, oh boy it wasn't. It was growing in his brain and affecting his mood. It made Oliver angry. Which made Caleb think, who was Oliver then? If the tumour caused his anger, something that seemed very much part of Oliver, then who was he without? Caleb liked to think it was an Oliver at the start of their relationship. The doctors didn't say how long he had the tumour. At the start of their relationship though, Oliver was happy and carefree and so lovely. This was the Oliver Caleb fell in love with. He would get angry, but everyone got angry sometimes. IT wasn't like this though, when he would hit Caleb. And that was very wrong, doing physical harm to someone that you loved. Though Caleb knew Oliver loved him, this still hurt. In any time or circumstance or experience though, Caleb should have been there for Oliver. He should not walk away. And this entailed that there was something very wrong with Caleb. Caleb had missed the point in Olivers words. He'd assumed Oliver meant in general, why Caleb always had to leave. He didn't consider that Oliver meant while he was sick. And Caleb should have been there, when he was sick. His work would have understood, this was a family emergency. They could handle without Caleb. But the court case right now, it was so important. Caleb never took a day of work, not when he was sick with a hundred and two fever. He had once, when Oliver was sick and they were in the beginning stages of love. Puppy love, when Caleb did want to spend every day with his boyfriend and couldn't stand seeing him sick. Oliver just had a cold, but Caleb said he would stay home. He called in sick himself, feeling giddy from lying. Then, he took care of Oliver and cuddled with him and made him feel better. He couldn't do that now, when Oliver was dying. That said millions about Caleb. To him, it reflected on his feelings towards Oliver. In reality, it spoke to how Caleb was prepared to deal with things such as this. And that was the thing, he wasn't. He wasn’t prepared to deal with it, and so he did the only thing he knew how to do. He pretended it did not exist and went about life as if everything were normal. However, everything was not. One thing it seemed to boil down to was Oliver and Caleb's work. Caleb's profession had been put on hold before. When he had left his University for Caroline, it had been for his mother. He wanted to spend time with her because she was sick. They needed family time. That summer he had met Oliver. That fall, he had not gone back to school. Caleb did not give up on things, and yet, he was giving up on the one thing he had been sure of since the bright age of six. Caleb never determined why. He told himself it was because of his mother, it was because of the fact that he needed a break after five years of school. Yet, Caleb knew. Caleb knew that a part of his decision was Oliver. He was so wound up around that boy. It was twisted that Caleb would let a single man mean this much to him. Yet he gladly took the position at the law firm, telling himself this was enough. Maybe Caleb was expecting Oliver to stay. Maybe he was expecting Oliver to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. Maybe Caleb was expecting for anything but Oliver to actually leave. He had not thought about his actions while he was performing them, he just acted. And then he was standing in front of Oliver with the keys. Why was he even giving Oliver keys if Caleb wanted him to leave? In case he comes back his mind sparked at him. Always that bit of hope, always there. But, Oliver was actually leaving. There was a bang on the wall somewhere near Caleb’s head and Oliver was out of the door before Caleb could say anything. What would he say? ”I'm sorry, I love you, I didn't mean it, come back”? How much of that was true? Caleb sighed, resigning himself to a drink or two. So this was happening. That was when he looked down, to see the pictures on the floor. The pictures of him and Oliver, spilling from the photo book Oliver had thrown at him. The good memories, the bad, and everything in between. The pain hit him so hard in the chest, and he didn't know it was this, but Caleb found himself sinking to the floor. Tears came suddenly and quietly as his fingers picked up a picture. It didn't matter what was happening now. It didn't matter that Oliver was dying. It didn't matter, because despite everything, the good would always outweigh the bad.	[atrb=width,140] words , 1008 tagged , ollie bird! notes , annnnd the award to saddest thread to ever exist goes to this. because asdsdfdgdfhhj
[cs=2] TEMPLATE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING OF CAUTION 2.0

[oliver rhys cardinal]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww30/Panda22Panda22/mnbvc.jpg);  -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the hardest part of this is leaving you Oliver was aware that he needed to get a grip and figure out where he’d be living for the rest of his short, miserable life, but it all seemed utterly pointless. Might as well just stay here. Might as well live in his car. Might as well drive into the ocean and die. There were a thousand things that seemed more purposeful than trying to normalize the remainder of his life, and so he did nothing but think about Caleb. It didn’t make sense to him how things could be like this now. He wondered how long it had been since Caleb’s “I love you”s had been sincere, how long he’d been looking for an opportunity to break up. His voice echoed in Oliver’s mind, repeating over and over again: “And I don’t care, Oliver. I really don’t.” How could they have ever reached a point where Oliver didn’t find the words laughable? He thought back to the start of their relationship, when everything was puppy love and smiles and laughter and tried to think of a moment that could have changed how things turned out. Was there some decision he had should have made that might have prevented this? Maybe he was too upset to fully recount such a long time ago, but there was nothing. Whatever he had done wrong, it was more recent. He hadn’t always been this way. Something had changed. Caleb was in love with the before and he wasn’t that person anymore. It was Oliver’s fault. It had to be. He wanted so badly for everything to stop hurting, but there was nothing he could tell himself to make this okay. Being away from Caleb was always going to be wrong. He’d learned that the hard way a few weeks ago. That pain was still fresh in his memory. Adding this to it was agonizing, and it was made all the worse by the knowledge that it would be permanent. As much as he would have loved for things to be okay, he knew it would be impossible for either to forgive the other. The things each had done were past forgiving. Oliver had been hitting Caleb for over a year, causing him physical and emotional pain so many times that counting was impossible. In return, Caleb had pushed a dying man out of his life and into the streets. The deeds seemed to balance themselves out, but that didn’t make either acceptable. It was impossible to say which was worse: the image of Caleb suffering at home just as much as Oliver was out here, or Caleb feeling nothing, going about life with no sense of mourning or loss. Both were impossible to think. Neither of those things should ever have been possible. They were supposed to be together forever. Separation from his boyfriend, his lover, his life, his soulmate... Why did this have to happen? Deciding eventually that he couldn’t just sit there any longer, he pulled out his cell phone and called his parents’ house. His mother answered after the third ring, concern filling her voice as she answered, “Hi, Honey. Is everything alright?”

[/color] Oliver knew she meant with his cancer, of course, and he knew that he was much too old to go crying to his mommy when he had relationship troubles, but the genuine tone of care in her voice was all the invitation he needed for everything to come spilling out.

She only needed him to repeat himself three times, which meant that either he was getting better at speaking clearly while crying or that she was getting better at understanding him. At that point, she told him immediately that he could stay with them, but Oliver initially refused. He choked out something about not wanting to be a burden on anyone, which she wouldn’t hear and told him that if he wasn’t over in ten minutes that she was going to go out and find him.

He didn’t move. The phone call hadn’t made anything better--if anything, it just emphasized how alone he was. He didn’t want to force himself on his parents. They had their own problems to deal with and having Oliver there would just remind them that their daughter was missing and their son was dying. Problems never seem as massive as when they’re standing right there in front of you. Oliver refused to be responsible for causing his parents more pain.

True to her word, however, his mother appeared about fifteen minutes later. Oliver didn’t notice her at first. After the tears had stopped, he’d taken to just sitting there with his forehead against the top of the steering wheel, car keys out of the ignition and in his hand.

Her gentle tapping on his window made him jump. She motioned for him to put his window down, but he got out of the car instead, dropping the keys on the seat and throwing his arms around her, holding on to her because it was someone to hold on to.

It was different hugging someone shorter than him. Caleb stood a good few inches taller than he did, so Oliver was used to facing upwards. It was nice, though, to lean down to reach her. It felt like he was coming down to her level, making things more normal. His problems with Caleb, his cancer, all of that was left behind for a moment.

Say what you want about growing up, but there is never a point in life that a hug from your mom doesn’t make things at least a little bit better.[/div]

Words: 941 Notes: askfhjas Tag: Callie Bear

there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[caleb jay ierie]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #423c42;,true][cs=2] & SOMETIMES I CRY SO HARD FROM PLEADING` SO SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE NEEDLESS BEATING BUT BABY WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN AND OUT ITS WHERE YOU OUT TO STAYWHEN YOU GO WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----- yesterday
[atrb=width,240] Something hard and vile hardened in Caleb’s stomach. The pictures laid across the floor, at his knees, in his hands. All these memories, gone to waste. Since Caleb had known of Oliver, in middle school, he had idolized him. Oliver had changed his world, for better or for worse. It didn't matter. There was still the fact that Oliver had changed hiss world. He was such a key figure in Caleb’s past, such a milestone. Caleb did not expect Oliver to be anything more than that. Once he left for the east coast, he supposed he would never see Oliver again. He would think about sometimes, like a long forgotten dream. Then, when Caleb came back, there he was. With his perfect smile and his beautiful voice and his personality and Caleb couldn't help but fall for him again. And then Oliver was an important part of his life again, a big part, Caleb’s first long, drawn out relationship. The first guy he moved in with. There relationship had turned serious fast, but that was what Caleb always wanted. He wanted a man he could settle down with, someone he could be with for the rest of his life. HE didn't care about sex, just love. Though, the sex was a very nice bonus. So Oliver meant so much in his life. Caleb never considered the fact, at the beginning, that he could have been attracted to Oliver simply for the past. Sure, a bit of him was lured to that factor. Falling in again because of his memories. The nostalgia was there. That wouldn't hold though, only liking him because of some past fascination. There was chemistry, between Oliver and Caleb. Pure, undeniable chemistry. It was a question though, whether that was good or bad. That was all this was, the good and the bad, what separated the two and what would win out. Oliver was such a big part of Caleb’s life. It would be impossible to deny that. Yet, as Caleb flipped through the pictures, his tears stalled. Fury rushed through him, white hot. Here Oliver was, puling at his heart strings again. Making Caleb bend and break, without even being in the room. Caleb was so weak for these things, and he hated it. He hated doing what others expected and not what was good for him. He hated letting others control his life. He hated being abused. Oliver, and anyone else, needed to understand that. They needed to listen to Caleb, respect his wishes, and let him bloom. Caleb was too great of a talent to squash down, but he would let himself. He loved his work, he would let no one stop him from succeeding at his job, his dream, his passion. Yet, Oliver had. And Caleb loved Oliver, that much was still true. Yet it wasn't fair that Caleb should give everything up for Oliver. Neither his job nor his physical safety should be put on the line for anything else. Caleb may have been better as a single piece, that was the only way he would ever be able to shine. No matter what he told himself though, there was still and iron hot poker of pain in his chest though. He cared, even though he said he hadn't. Did Oliver even care though? Caleb wasn't sure, and that was what hurt the most. It was better he end things himself, instead of drawing it out and letting Oliver do it. This couldn't be like all the other relationships. Those heart aches where honestly worse. Without realizing it, Caleb had begun to carefully organize the pictures of him and Oliver. He was picking them up, making sure they were flat, and placing them in the book. The last one caught on his fingers though. Such a simple picture, Caleb couldn't remember when it was from. It could have been anywhere. Him in a ruffled white dress shirt, makeup done by Oliver. Ollie in a red vest. They weren't even touching, Caleb was just looking at Oliver with this idiotic smile on his face, but he could swear he saw the love. Caleb closed the book, placing the picture in his back pocket as he finally stood. The tears no longer ran, but he could feel them under the surface. He moved to place the book on the shelf, but found he couldn't. He changed his mind once more as he was about to settle it on the coffee table. Finally, Caleb just sat on the couch. The couch him and Oliver had sat on. The couch him and Oliver had cuddled on. He curled against the pillows, knees drawn to his chest with the photo album pressed into his arms. Like he was trying to hold onto something. Caleb did not know how long he sat there, when the tears started. he was aware of the sobbing, the burning pain in his chest, the muddle of thoughts in his head. He sat, he cried, and he thought. He went through all of the stages of grief backwards and forwards. It was dark by the time a knock came at the door.	[atrb=width,140] words , 859 tagged , ollie bird! notes , adffghjkl;
[cs=2] TEMPLATE BY CALIFORNIA DREAMING OF CAUTION 2.0

[oliver rhys cardinal]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww30/Panda22Panda22/mnbvc.jpg);  -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the hardest part of this is leaving you It would have been relieving for Oliver to be able to say that he didn’t start crying again, but once he had a shoulder to cry on, it was unstoppable. Neither of the two said anything until he was through and left to wonder how his body still had any water left in it at all. He barely heard it when his mother told him to get in his car, that she had walked here and that she’d drive the rest of the way to the house, but his body reacted anyways. He was beginning to feel rather numb now, and he wondered dully if he was God was having mercy on his soul and letting him die or something. Maybe it was just too much hurt for him to handle. Like when water is so hot that touching it feels cold. Once it stops feeling cold, though, it still burns you. It was rather obvious that this wasn’t over. It could never be over. The same way that he knew that Caleb was The One, he knew that it would always feel like this. Once he was situated in the passenger seat, he wiped tears out of his eyelashes, trying to rid himself of the feeling of crying now that things were at a standstill. His mother crawled into the driver’s seat and drove back to her house in silence broken only by Oliver’s occasional sniffling. Getting out of the car was perhaps the hardest thing to do so far. He’d walked out of the house so willingly, not really wanting to leave Caleb but wanting to finally cooperate with him and listening to what he told him to do. Now, trying to walk into another house meant that he no longer could call the other home. Going home was what he really wanted, but Caleb didn’t want him there. After weeks of making Caleb’s life miserable, Oliver was going to stop. It didn’t matter how much hurt it caused him, because it was no more than he deserved for what he’d done to his boyfriend. At least, that was what he had to think to keep himself from running home. Because, God, he would’ve been there in a second if he thought things could change. So he spent a few minutes once his mother had parked the car in her driveway just sitting there again, talking himself into what he was doing. If he got out and went inside, that was it. It’d be real then. And it just hurt so badly, coming back to this house. He’d never expected to go back to living here. When he and Caleb had bought their house, it felt so permanent. That was his home. He’d grown out of this place, he didn’t fit here anymore. They even converted his bedroom into a library, he remembered once he thought about it. He didn’t belong here, he belonged back in Caleb’s arms. That was supposed to be a place he’d always be safe and sound but he’d overspent his welcome and now here he was. His mother knew better than to wait for him, which he was grateful for. He needed time to think now that he wasn’t falling to pieces anymore, just to talk himself into this. It was hard, though, to do something that felt so incredibly wrong. Alone in the driveway, with the shell of the car blocking out all other noise, Oliver felt like the silence was screaming at him, telling him a thousand different things. Call him. Text him. Tell him you still love him. Ask to come home. Apologize. Compromise. But he couldn’t do any of those things. It wasn’t fair to Caleb, who Oliver knew would cave and let him back if he so much as spoke to him. That was just how Caleb was, and Oliver knew he had taken advantage of it a thousand times. No more. He was going to break that pattern. It’d be better for everyone, he was sure. But he couldn’t understand why improvement had to hurt so badly. Weaving his fingers into his hair, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs, burying the heels of his palms into his eyes. He just couldn’t justify this break up, no matter what he did. The thought that finally got him out of the car was the realization that whatever happened, it didn’t matter because he’d be dead before too long anyway. He sat up slowly and got out, pausing only to grab the bottle of pain pills that he had sat down between the two front seats. He felt rather pathetic, having nothing to his name but the clothes he was wearing and this medication that he simultaneously loved and hated; loved because it provided relief from his constant head pains, but hated because it was a constant reminder of the tumor pressing against his brain. Stepping into the house overwhelmed him with nostalgia. Since moving in with Caleb, usually only holidays were held at his parents’ house. At those times, it would smell like a holiday. Christmas was like evergreen and cookies and hot chocolate and the fireplace, Easter was flowers and chocolate and fruit. The smell today, however, was just ordinary, the air he’d grown up breathing every morning and every night. It felt like being a kid again, except now he was heartbroken and full of cancer. For a while Oliver just stood there in the doorway, not knowing what to do from there. His bedroom was full of bookshelves. He didn’t have anything to put away except for his meds, so after a little bit he wandered into the kitchen and set them down on the counter. His parents came in after a few moments, but he didn’t know what to say to them. He didn’t feel like talking anymore ever again. Luckily, they came more prepared. “Oliver, honey, your father’s going to go and get some of your things for you. Is there anything you need specifically?” He couldn’t help but notice how dead his voice sounded when he spoke. “All my clothes are in my closet and the dresser just before the doorway. Toiletries are in the bathroom. Caleb can show you where they are.”

[/color]

Oliver found himself being hugged by his dad after a second, and he supposed that his tone must have given away how terrible he felt. “I’ll be back in a bit, then,”[/color] he said, pulling away and heading towards the door.

“Wait,[/color] Oliver said, before he could stop himself. “Can you get my photo album, too?”[/color] he asked lamely. “It should be on one of the shelves in the living room. If you can’t find it, you can just ask Caleb, he knows what it looks like.”[/color]

His father nodded and left the house, leaving Oliver in the kitchen with his mother.

“You know,”[/color] she said. “If I wasn’t so afraid of what I’d say to this boy, I’d be over there myself.”[/color]

“Let’s not talk about it, okay?”[/color] Oliver replied weakly. He’d had enough crying for one day.

---

Anthony had been to Oliver’s enough to get there with no problem, but it was unusual being there when his son wasn’t. He knocked on the door and waited, flattened boxes in hand, trying to think of what he’d say when Caleb came to the door. Anthony had always liked Caleb, had never had anything but approval for his son’s choice in a man. He didn’t understand how something like this could come about, but it was obvious that there was more to the story than he was let in on. He’d heard it through his wife, who heard it through Oliver’s choked out words, so it was guaranteed that he was missing some crucial points.

Still, he wasn’t very happy with Caleb as he stood waiting outside the door. Kicking someone out when they have a life threatening illness didn’t exactly sit right with him, especially not when it was his only son.

“Caleb,”[/color] he said, in place of a greeting, once Caleb opened the door. The boy didn’t look very good, he noticed. It made Anthony a bit less upset with him, but not that much. “I’m here to get Oliver’s things.”[/color]

Once he was let inside and pointed in the direction of the bedroom where Oliver’s clothes were, he made short work of packing things up. He didn’t say much to Caleb if he could avoid it. If anyone wanted him to be lectured, they would’ve let Eloise come up here and tell him off for hurting her son.

It was obvious from the second that he’d found the closet that not all of Oliver’s clothes could even dream of being moved from one place to another. There was just too much there. He took enough for a few weeks without repeating clothing (he’d lived with Oliver for long enough to know his aversion to wearing the same articles too many times) and figured that if more was needed, someone could come back later. There were more important things to take over at the present time.

After gathering Oliver’s various toiletries from the bathroom and packing them as well, there was only the matter of the photo album left, which Anthony asked Caleb about, since he didn’t know where to even begin looking for it.[/div]

Words: 1,630 Notes: flaksdfglk these two Tag: callie bear

there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[caleb jay ierie]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #423c42;,true][cs=2] & SOMETIMES I CRY SO HARD FROM PLEADING` SO SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE NEEDLESS BEATING BUT BABY WHEN THEY KNOCK YOU DOWN AND OUT ITS WHERE YOU OUT TO STAYWHEN YOU GO WOULD YOU EVEN TURN TO SAY I DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I DID - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ----- yesterday
[atrb=width,240] Caleb didn't know who to expect when he heard the knock on the door. Part of him wanted to stay where he was seated, curled up into his own emotions. IT could have been anyone, a friend, his parents, a girl selling cookies. Caleb would have ignored them all. There was a little part of Caleb that hoped that it would be Oliver. It was insane. Caleb had done this, he should be the one crawling back to Oliver. Not the other way around. Caleb kept trying to tell himself this was for the best. HE couldn't be around Oliver, not when he treated Caleb like this. Anytime he heard any one speak about being in an abusive relationship, people always said to get out as soon as possible. IT might have started with a simple hit, something innocent. You might think it's one time, so you don't complain. But the second you let anyone hit you, and don't stop it, it is likely to happen again. This will just escalate. Caleb knew it was the tumour. But who was to know if this would stop when Oliver got better. If Oliver got better. The doctors said they couldn't be sure if the tumour was causing all of Olivers problems. There was also the fact that Oliver was only violent when he was high or drunk though. Caleb saw these as subconscious things though, and the alcohol or drugs just let it out. Oliver could very well act the exact same, tumour or tumour, and Caleb was not living with that any longer. If there was anyone Caleb was least expecting at the door, who was there was not them. For a moment, as Caleb stood there, his eyes still slightly blurred form the tears he had stopped instantly, he thought it was Oliver. There was no comparison to the way his heart lifted at that moment. And crashed the very next as he realized it was Olivers father standing there. Anthony was not even on Calebs list of possible people who could have been at his door. He blinked in surprise. The mans words, however, brought back a fresh wave of pain. He directed him where to go without words, feeling as if his voice would break. Olivers stuff, he was here to pick up Olivers stuff. “But Ollie's stuff belongs here” he thought. He went to sit back on the couch again, knowing he had no say in the matter. This made things more real, Ollies dad here to take his stuff. Would they even get back together? Caleb realized he had been holding on to the fact that they would. They probably wouldn't though. Oliver's dad or his mother or even Oliver himself would have to come back to get the rest of Ollie's things. The two of them would have to decide who got the couch, the TV, all things they bought together. They were foolish with the idea of being together forever. Caleb would eventually be alone in this house, the closet almost empty. Suddenly, he understood how Oliver felt every time Ollie left the house. Caleb wasn't here alone often, it was always Oliver. Ollie was right, the house was lonely without Caleb there. Just having another presence, even now, was welcome. Caleb could here slight shufflings in the bedroom. Even if Oliver was making no noise when he was home. Caleb always knew he was there and it was comforting to have that presence around. Especially if it was someone you loved. It was then that Caleb decided that he would have to move out of this house. Oliver and him had bought it with the prospect that they would be living together for along time. The house was an embodiment of their future together. Now Caleb didn't even know what it held for them. Or rather, him. There were to many memories here for him to be drowned by. He would have to move out. Perhaps he could live with his parents for a while, before getting a small apartment. Move out, get a cat, never date again. Because Oliver was perfect and Caleb could not see himself loving another man again. They would all be compared to Oliver and everything Caleb shared with him. Caleb would move on with his career, perhaps go back to school in the east. That would be nice. He would be able to fight in courts and be happy with his career. He would never feel fulfilled though, not without Oliver to share it with. Caleb would grow old alone in a house, perhaps moving to the east coast, and die alone with his cat. It sounded like a fair life. With the notion of Oliver leaving though, Caleb wanted to keep all of his things here. He didn't want Olviers clothing going, or anything of his. Oliver couldn't have it. If it was here Oliver would have to get it back and he would have to come here himself. At least then Caleb could see Oliver again. IT would be torture, but he would get to see Oliver and that was all that mattered. Caleb didn't want to forget what Oliver smelled like, what he felt like to hold, the soft touch of his fingers. He didn't want to loose the pictures or the memories with them. That was when Caleb took the picture album and hastily pushed it under the couch cushions. Oliver couldn't have that. If he wanted it he would have to come get it himself. He knew Oliver, he would want that picture album. He was not disappointed when Oliver's father came back into the room, a box under his arm, and asked after the photo album. “Uhm, it should be on the shelf there,” Caleb said. Anthony nodded and went to search the shelf. The spot where the photo book usually sat was suspiciously empty. Caleb had never thought about it, but had Oliver meant to throw the photo book at him? Caleb assumed so, as one last dig at Calebs broken heart. Things were irrevocably broken between them. Anthony informed Caleb that he could not find it, and Caleb told him then he wouldn't know where it was. Oliver's father looked at him for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders. He left with a nod as a goodbye. It hurt. Caleb got along well with Oliver's father, usually if he was over him and Caleb would talk, more about 'manly' things. There was no way to be friendly to the man that had broken your sons heart though. Elouis probably wanted to come around with a shotgun right about now. So now Oliver's father was gone and Caleb didn't know when he would see any of them again. This brought the pain back. It was as if the second Anthony left the door, the tears came back to Caleb's eyes. He tried to stop the sobbing, but it just hurt his chest physically. He sat back on the couch, wondering how he would even tell his parents of this matter. Or what he would tell them, when they asked what happened. Because, to be honest, Caleb didn't even know.	[atrb=width,140] words , 1,202 tagged , ollie bird! notes , I'M SO READY FOR FLUFF LIKE SERIOUSLY
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