you throw the thought of us away | KASTRAS

[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/63.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] maybe light a candle Don't say a prayer for me, Feel alone I left you the best time [/style] [style=width: 385px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: justify; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;] Christmas time was a time of family, of joy, of love. People went to their homes, their families, and were happy. That was what they were supposed to be. Christmas was about the love, bringing families closer together, the cheer of the holiday spirit. Though, not always. Christmas also brought a harsh contrast to those who were alone, those with broken families, those that might not be as happy in the holiday season. Life didn't stop and wait for Christmas to pass by for everything to be happy once more. In fact, it seemed to make it worse. Families brought together only to fight over long forgotten disputes, awkwardness between members who had not seen each other for a whole year. It only made people realize just how bad things really were. Then there were those with no family, no friends, spending Christmas alone. The time called for cheer, but what cheer was there to be had for them? In a specific house on a specific drive of Caroline, Christmas was never much of a happy time of year. There was little joy spare in the Kastra home on a regular day, and Christmas brought this out more. Even when the children were young, presents were sparse, perhaps a few per child. When they grew older and their mothers boyfriend came around, suddenly there were no presents, no Christmas. Why bother wasting money on a bunch of snot nosed brats? Nathan had gotten a smack across the head one too many times asking about presents and Santa Claus to hold much hope for Christmas. As well, his birthday sat directly after the day of Christmas. Instead of recieving more gifts, perhaps even just one, Nathans birthday went largely disregarded. This may have lead to his eventual descent into madness, but the fact remained. Nathans birthday was never celebrated, and he was curious if it would ever had been, if he had not been born the day after Christmas. Long ago Nathan had lost his hope for the holidays, the fabled Christmas miracle. He would watch the other girls and boys, receiving presents, walking with families, being loved. He felt no jealousy, only perhaps a twinge of sadness, of hope that things could be different for him. Once Nathan was in juvie, the celebration that was Christmas ceased to exist. Some of the inmates would exchange presents, families would come by to visit, a tree would be erected in the main hall. Nathan would spend most of him time sitting in his room, staring at the ceiling, perhaps reading a tattered book. Nothing ever changed for him. Twenty one, he was turning twenty one tomorrow. It was so strange, he was still so young. Yet he had a criminal record behind him, a murder. He had no family, no friends, nothing to his name but his home, his books, and a sparse few possessions This winter instead of putting up lights, Nathan worried about keeping his on. Instead of buying presents, he tried to avoid the Christmas shopping, the raising of prices, barely scraping by as is. Nathan wished he could let this holiday slip by unnoticed,but the world would not let him. His job played carols all night and day, the town was decked out in festive lights, shop keepers enquired about his Christmas preparations, wished him a happy holiday. Sometimes Nathan wished he could just scream at them, perhaps bring a gun with him, remind every one who he was. If they knew he was Nathan Kastra, he was sure they would not wish him a merry Christmas, enquire to his holidays. It wasn't a problem, it just annoyed him to no end. Christmas was not a merry time for Nathan Kastra, and he never had hope that it would be. Today, his birthday, was nothing apart from the others. He had the morning off, working later, and he sat in his home. He'd considered opening his shop, but he was sure everyone in Caroline was busy with boxing day sales. That was the other problem with his birthday, when he was young he would spend the day being pulled along by his mother to all the different sales, searching for the best deal. Nathan regretted his own birthday more than any other day of the year. So, oddly, to treat himself, he was curled up on his couch with a good book. Though, lately, Nathan found it hard to read. He had nothing to escape from, real life was much more interesting than books these days. The house was so quiet and calm, this was probably the best Christmas Nathan had ever had. tagged, elias and calliope! │ word count, 775 │ notes, a good ol' kastra family reunion! Make Christmas your own

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[elias kellin kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background: #8f6868; width:15px; height:650px; padding:0px;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/14.jpg); width:430px; height:650px; padding:0px;] nobodies going to love you if YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A WAY TO CAPTURE THIS, NOBODIES GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH, NO IT'S UP TO YOU TO UNDERSTAND TAGGED: cali & nathan WORDS: 851 While everyone else thought of the sugar plums dancing in their heads, the crafted idea of Santa Claus and receiving and giving the perfect gifts, Elias's thoughts established themselves elsewhere. Caroline was the sort of town that made a big deal out of every season change, every holiday, and every accomplishment of the people within it's town. There were so many enthusiastic faces, which added with the dash of fallen snow made it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything but Christmas. Of course, for Elias he found his ways. After finding his brother and realizing he was back in Caroline not much else had wandered through Elias's mind. During the holidays, thoughts of him perceived even beyond what it normally had. The last few years Elias thought about his brother every Christmas, mostly because of the association with his birthday. Now that he was in walking distance from his brother it was like a cancer was eating away at him. Not long ago he had mentioned it to his sister. He called her, in which she definitely didn't answer, not that he expected her to, and said "Hey Cali, it's your brother, Elias, but there's something i want to tell you… i'd rather tell you this in person but i don't think that will happen but… Nathan's back in town. He doesn't even live that far from me… but he's back. I thought you deserved to know." At least three weeks had passed since he last left that message and nothing was really said on the subject. When Christmas was approaching Elias spent the majority of the time at work. Really, he should be at work today but he requested it off right before he called Cali. He knew there was some where he'd need to go today. Elias pulled a black shirt over his head, topping it with a flannel, plaid, sweater and pulled up his black jeans with a black belt. He looked up in his bathroom mirror examining his face. By now the bruises from his last encounter with his brother were gone, healed, but not forgotten. Nathan knew how to defend himself now. He was different. Although Elias knew this, it was a fact that didn't quite sink in. For a moment he closed his eyes, praying to a God he didn't believe in that things could potentially go okay. When he opened them he turned to the door, grabbed the envelope with a card that read "Happy Twenty-First Birthday" and rushed out the door. As he walked through the snow he shoved the card in the envelope, as well as pulled out a fifty dollar bill form his wallet and stuffed it into the envelope. Maybe Elias was being too hopeful, but he actually wanted to help his brother out a bit. He imagined it would be difficult for someone like Nathan to hold up his own, especially in Caroline. Even though Elias assumed Nathan wasn't just using the alias "Charlie" on just Elias, but the rest of the town, Nathan was still experience a fresh start, which stripped him of much money especially if he had to tend to a house. He tried not to think too hard about the reactions that Nathan would have to Elias showing up at his house, especially so early in the morning with this envelope as he put it in his pocket. What if Nathan ripped it up in front of him? Then Elias would be down fifty dollars. Elias himself wasn't particularly strung up on money but it was still something he thought about. And what if, less likely, Nathan took the card thankfully and didn't say a word? Elias knew he was putting himself into his own trap of awkward but he couldn't just sit at home and do nothing especially when he knew his brother was a few streets away from him. Especially when he knew it was his brother's birthday. The house was coming into site. Elias's mind flashed back to when he first noticed this house and decided to wander in. It was serendipitous for him to come at such a day and find his brother. It was destined to happen eventually, but then everything turned sour. Elias's stomach lurched. But as he walked up the cement pads that were parallel to his house he thought to himself on how he needed to get thicker skin. If things went bad, Elias would have to turn to his older self and maybe get a little more aggressive. He was the older brother and he needed to make sure that Nathan realized they were still family and they couldn't change the blood line they came from. Finally, Elias took in a breath, walked up to the main door, and took his jump to knock on the door. His eyes turned to look behind him for a moment when he saw a figure moving through the snow. Could it be…? NOTES: WOO THE BEAUTIFUL KASTRA DISASTER PARTY

this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0.

[calliope jenn kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 490px; height: 500px; background-color: #000000; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6mnUt.jpg); border: 2px ridge #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; -moz-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px;] And They Say we would’ve seen you two years ago Had you stuck around or come out to a show, But youth’s taken over by rock and roll, While we were laughing and drinking and smoking and singing.... So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit. That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t fall in love, I just fake it. I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.----------------- If she was honest, Calliope had no intention of ever talking to her brothers again. Somehow, Elias had gotten her number a while back, but she never answered, sometimes even deleting the messages he left her without listening. Eli could go suck a fuck, in her opinion, she didn’t need that factor from her childhood holding her back. She had had the unholy misfortune of being born into a family that sucked at being a family. She didn’t know what was worst: the runaway father, the pushover mother and her abusive boyfriend, the murderous baby brother, or the older brother who wouldn’t let her disappear in peace. She hated the lot of them and was quite happy to keep her distance. Now she had a stable job and a stable home and a stable boyfriend and things were looking great. But every time Elias called her, she felt another little piece of the foundation of her new life falling away. If he didn’t stop it, something might happen, something might topple it and rid her of the stability she had looked for all her life. She deserved to have something good, didn’t she? And she wasn’t going to get that if she didn’t keep away from the rest of the Kastra family. It made no difference to Cali whether it was Christmas or not. She had no intention in buying anyone anything, because she didn’t care enough about anyone but her boyfriend to do so, and he made it quite clear that she was the princess, that she wasn’t to spend money on anyone but herself. Since it was normal for him to buy her anything she wanted regardless of the time of year, the fact that it was the end of December made no difference to her, except that it was colder outside. Most people would think that the cold meant it was time to change their wardrobe to be something warmer, but Calliope’s perspective was more that it was time to start learning to deal with the cold or just plain stay inside. She didn’t like the winter and she didn’t like Christmas, and she didn’t like that the world was bound to throw both of them at her. She didn’t know why exactly she didn’t just leave Caroline. This town was too festive, it made her sick. Christmas had never been a big deal for her, what with the general lack of funds and/or care surrounding the holiday when she was growing up, and nothing had changed much. These days, whenever she saw a wreath on a shop door, or snowflakes in a window display, she would be instantly turned off. She hated the lights that made houses look so tacky, hated the fake pine greens that were draped over every doorway and around every bannister. The worst wasn’t Christmas’s fault, but she still blamed the holiday for all the snow everywhere, making it inconvenient to wear open toed shoes and heels in general. But she did anyway, because Calliope Kastra wasn’t going to let the weather tell her what to wear. It was just generally unpleasant, seeing everyone in town wishing one another a happy holiday. What about the people who didn’t care, or the ones who--like when she was a child--couldn’t afford to celebrate things that had no reason to be celebrated? What about the people who just wanted to continue through life without all the unnecessary decorations and purchases? Caroline never had any consideration for them. Most days, Cal would have had her boyfriend drive her from place to place, seeing herself as being too good, too pure and clean to be walking around Caroline dressed the way she was, especially not in the lower class. She wasn’t afraid of anything happening, of course, but she’d had people try to pick her up before, and it was just an inconvenient waste of time when people were trying to convince her to go home with them. At the moment, she was just trying to get home from the little Chinese tea shop a few streets from her house, envisioning herself getting inside and making tea and watching some sort of slasher film to avoid the spirit of Christmas. Her roommate was off visiting her family somewhere in Quebec, her boyfriend was working, and being out of touch with her own family meant that she could spend the night on her own. And that was just fine with her. Somehow it didn’t surprise her that it would be Elias that ruined her plans. She had only a few more streets to go when she caught a glance of someone standing just ahead of her, at one of the doors to the houses on that street. She wasn’t happy to see her brother, because that meant he would talk to her, would badger her about not answering his calls, and would probably want to talk about Nathan. It had been the subject of her little brother that had turned her off of all the messages Eli left, and she wasn’t eager to let that come up now. Pulling her coat tighter around her, she kept her head down as she passed, hoping he wouldn’t notice her or that if he did he wouldn’t say anything. That would be the greatest Christmas present he could give her: the peace of an evening. [style=width: 200px; height: 50px; text-transform: uppercase; background-color: #e0e0e0; color: #000000; line-height: 80%; font-size: 10px; font-family: tahoma; text-shadow: 1px 1px 2px #FFF; opacity: 0.7; overflow: auto; margin: 380px 0 0 5px; text-align: justify; border: 1px dashed #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 30px; -moz-border-radius: 30px; border-radius: 30px; padding: 3px;] Word: 899 Outfit: CLICK Note: First post as Cali woop woop Tag: Nathan and Elias [/style] Template by Paige @ CAUTION

[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/63.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] maybe light a candle Don't say a prayer for me, Feel alone I left you the best time [/style] [style=width: 385px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: justify; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;] Ever since Nathan had let himself be known to his brother, Eli, that he was home, what was a quiet existence in Caroline turned to a bit more hectic. In what had been an overly optimistic decision, Nathan had thought by telling Elias that he was here, they would suddenly become what good brothers were supposed to be. Problem was, they were never close, and probably never would be. Their upbringing forced them to be too much alike, now that Nathan was older. And now, Elias would not leave Nathan alone. Though they had not spoken since the day Nathan had punched Elias – twice for good measure – Nathan knew his brother wanted to see him. Elias was like that, always wanting to pull the family together when the family only wanted to fall apart. Nathan didn't understand it, it just left the siblings in pain. Trying to restore what never was only made everything seem so much worse. Nathan was happy without a close connection with either of his siblings. Trying to be close to them had never done him any good. Cali would more often than not push him away, go about her own business, push of his attempts to cling to someone. Elias was closer, more likely to hold a toddler Nathan when he was crying, but Elias was too protective, too hot headed. Nathan could take care of himself better than Elias could, and thus the resentment started. The Kastra family was never meant to be whole, Nathan wasn't even fully related to his older brother. They were only brothers through their mom, the woman who had started all the problems. Nathan could only hope that Elias would learn to leave him alone. He had no idea where Cali was, he didn't care. Though he had a closer hate relationship with Elias, he still had a grudge against his sister. He'd never even want to bother trying to get closer to her, and he was sure she'd feel the same way. Cali, like many of the Kastra's preferred to pretend her last name did not exist. It was the only thing tying together, that black spot that Nathan only made darker. It wasn't something he could get away from, even by changing his name. This was nothing he could escape from forever, and Nathan was beginning to think he should just embrace it. It was easy enough to live with a murder on his hands. He still had nightmares, but they rarely bothered him. See the same thing over and over again and you got accustomed to it Life was starting to get boring, he missed the exciting days at the juvenile center, when there was a fight almost every other day. He'd left Calgary because he'd almost mugged a lady, and that scared him. He was thinking too much like a younger Nathan, and that had left him no where good. Nathan never knew how to survive, never grew up with a proper role model. The only role model Nathan ever had were the books he read. It explained his rather polite, though shy, persona when he was young. Books provided a good back so Nathan didn't turn out to be a miscreant. If it had only been the books, Nathan could have grown up to be a pleasant young man. Unfortunately, the world offered more than books to Nathan. He couldn't beat back the abuse from his mothers boyfriend with a knowledge of the written world, or any knowledge at all, and so Nathan had turned bad. No books could stop him from killing that boy, or killing again. Even if they provided the moral structure of his life, pages didn't hold up very well to the tide of an ocean. Nathan had a lot of anger welled up in his life, though he had not noticed it. Perhaps if he had let Elias care for him more, if his mother had been nicer, if Cali had paid enough attention to Nathan for him to learn to stick up for himself, things would be better. The book in his hands now was old and faded. The last time Nathan remembered reading this was a day he could hear his brother fighting with his mothers boyfriend through the walls. He was sure then he would get the brunt of Joshua's bad temper later when Elias had stormed off, happy with the wreck he had made. Elias never realized what consequences his actions would lead too. Nathan sighed, flipping the book closed. He couldn’t concentrate, not with the past haunting his memories. Perhaps he would open up his shop, go for a walk, try and clear his mind. Try as he might, the more Nathan tried to forget this was his birthday, the more he remembered it was. A walk sounded just about right at the moment, no one should be around this area of Caroline, all citizens were either shopping or visiting with family. Nathan placed his book down, rising from the chair. As he approached the door, he heard talking, he was sure. Confused, Nathan opened the door without putting his jacket on. Though it was cold, he hardly needed it. He could not have expected what was on the other side. Elias, looking as if he interrupted in knocking, and a figure beyond him. Was that? Fuck, Cali too? What the hell were they doing here? For once that day, Nathan forgot his birthday, staring at his siblings. Cali still lived here? Nathan wished he could slam the door closed again, bolt it up, but both of them had seen him. And so, he spoke. “What are you doing here?” simple, easy, no drawn out hellos or a smidgen of joy. Why did his siblings always turn up at the most inopportune times? tagged, elias and calliope! │ word count,971│ notes, god guys, you are the worst family Make Christmas your own

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[elias kellin kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background: #8f6868; width:15px; height:650px; padding:0px;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/14.jpg); width:430px; height:650px; padding:0px;] nobodies going to love you if YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A WAY TO CAPTURE THIS, NOBODIES GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH, NO IT'S UP TO YOU TO UNDERSTAND TAGGED: cali & nathan WORDS: 660 After years of living through a devastating history there was one thing that Elias tried to make himself believe: that he'd changed. He wasn't the radical, rebellious elder brother of the Kastra family. He didn't go out of his way to create some sort of hell, and he avoided fights if there was the possibility that he could. If that wasn't a change, he didn't know what was. But things aren't that easy. Changing who you are takes a lot more than that. There was so much of Elias that was exactly the same. He was stubborn, emotionally manipulative if he felt he needed to be, and he was aggressive and far too forward with what he wished to achieve. Since he was younger he wanted unity so badly in his life. He never had it. He never had a clique of friends. The people he hung around with was the roulette barrel turning. As far as anyone was concerned he was still a loner. But Elias didn't want to be a loner. He wanted to find some sense of familiarity. He wanted to be with people he could actually say her cared about, and he was still living in the past. Even if it killed him, he wanted a real family. He knew it was dangerous, coming back to the brother's house that had rejected him before but he knew what he wanted. When Elias wanted something, he went out of his way to try to take it. His stubborn being wouldn't let him take life any more lightly than that. It was the same with the number of times that he had tried to reach his sister. Once upon a time he'd like to believe that they were close. She'd be out drinking, when she shouldn't be and he'd always be the one to carry her home. Sure, this might not necessarily be the extend of family love, but Elias thought that she might know how much he cared for her well being she he went out of his way to do this. But after the shooting everything changed so drastically. Her distance from him, from both of them, intensified and Elias hardly remembered sharing a real conversation with her since. He knew it was her. The way she tried to hide from him, it was all too evident that he was looking at his sister, "Cali," His voice sternly called out across the lawn but he didn't bother waiting for any response. He knew that she knew it was him. Her body language spoke for herself, "You're the worst at answering your phone," His voice tried to act playfully but in his heart he could feel a build up of anger for her inability to look past herself. The sound of the door opening brought Elias back to his original plan. There before him stood his brother. Now that their sister was there Elias couldn't even bring himself to hand over the card in his pocket. Holding onto that fifty dollar bill inside made him feel even more uncomfortable. The response his brother gave didn't help much either. "Uhh…" Elias couldn't bring himself to talk either for that moment, his body turned around to look back at Cali. For that brief moment he was stuck. Then a forced smile came across his face, his voice added into a tone of sincerity and he hoped his eyes seemed to appeal this way as well, "Happy Birthday, little brother!" His chime was one that sounded so cinematic. Not even Elias could bring himself to believe his own voice. He didn't know if Cali even got his message about Nathan's birthday. He didn't even know how she had walked by him at this moment. Slowly, his smile started to fall apart. NOTES: elias just wants to love you guys ;'(

this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0.

[calliope jenn kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 490px; height: 500px; background-color: #000000; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6mnUt.jpg); border: 2px ridge #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; -moz-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px;] And They Say we would’ve seen you two years ago Had you stuck around or come out to a show, But youth’s taken over by rock and roll, While we were laughing and drinking and smoking and singing.... So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit. That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t fall in love, I just fake it. I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.----------------- Calliope felt about as though someone had taken her plans and cut them up into tiny pieces and flushed them down a toilet for good measure. As if seeing her brother wasn’t bad enough, he saw her too, he was calling out to her, and all she wanted was to disappear. Lately, Elias seemed to think he was some sort of saint or magician, someone who could just perform the miraculous reunion of a family that had never been whole to begin with. But when the pieces didn’t want to be a whole, it would take nothing short of an act of God to fix them. Calliope had no intention of being fixed, not if it meant spending more time with a murderer and a pathetic little man who couldn’t move on. There was nothing in that life of any interest to Calliope. Being burdened with her name alone was enough to make getting anything she wanted infinitely more difficult. Not that she was counting, but Cal was fairly sure that, were she given a dollar for all the dirty looks and stares, for all the whispers behind hands, and for all the times she was asked, ‘Kastra...are you related to...?’ she may have had enough money to buy herself a rather nice place in the upper class district. She did what she could to escape it, from the time a few years ago when she had dyed her hair away from the characteristic Kastra black, to the complete different manner of dressing and her ceasing to give a fuck. But to a certain extent, she was always going to be stuck with her name, her past, and Caroline’s incessant buzzing with gossip. It didn’t matter how many years went by since the shooting. That was all that the Kastras were going to be remembered for. The family was a black spot on the map, something rotten that should be cut away but refuses to die. By not leaving Caroline, Calliope was just perpetuating it. Never before in her life had she wanted to be out of town as much as that moment, hearing Elias say her name. Cali, he called her. A pet name. As if they were friends, as if they were even acquaintances... Eli might have gone soft will all this family business and sentimentality, but he hadn’t lost his nerve, that was evident. And then he dared to bring up her ignoring his calls, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Elias, you stupid, desperate fucker. She didn’t respond to what he said, hoping to ignore him and make it all go away. It was easy to ignore Elias, after all; she did it all the time. What was he going to do, anyway? Follow her? He was preoccupied, and in a second, whoever lived inside that house he was standing at would come and open the door and he’d disappear inside and then she’d be free from him again, free on her own path that would, God willing, not intersect with his for a long time, if ever again. And that was the plan, then. To continue on, just go home, drink some well-earned tea and some peace and quiet and not have to worry about ghosts of the past haunting her when she worked so hard every day to escape them. So she kept walking, didn’t speak to her brother, and she wouldn’t have stopped again were it not for the voice in the doorway. No matter how hard she tried, it was so hard to forget the voice of someone so closely related to her. It was strange enough that the person Eli was visiting would greet him so sharply, but it was shocking enough to make a chill run down her spine--unrelated to the cold of the season--when the voice accompanying the tone was so familiar, despite the years since she had heard it. When Elias responded so cheerfully, so naturally, with barely a beat of hesitation, Calliope wanted to gag. How could he bear to play this game? Nathan was a lost cause, the whole damned family was a lost cause. But then in registered what he had said--Happy birthday, little brother--and she couldn’t contain herself. “Oh, fuck!” she said, feeling any walls of stoicism and apathy falling away, if only for that moment. Not only did it have to be Eli there, but it was Nathan, too, and Eli was pulling the damned ‘brother’ card and it was Nathan’s birthday and it was Christmas and the whole situation just pissed her off. She didn’t deserve this. All she wanted was to go home, yet she couldn’t seem to move. No matter how much she wanted to forget her family, she was terribly curious to see how this situation would play out. [style=width: 200px; height: 50px; text-transform: uppercase; background-color: #e0e0e0; color: #000000; line-height: 80%; font-size: 10px; font-family: tahoma; text-shadow: 1px 1px 2px #FFF; opacity: 0.7; overflow: auto; margin: 380px 0 0 5px; text-align: justify; border: 1px dashed #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 30px; -moz-border-radius: 30px; border-radius: 30px; padding: 3px;] Word: 823 Outfit: CLICK Note: god i love her i didn't think i would ever like writing as a girl so much Tag: Nathan and Elias [/style] Template by Paige @ CAUTION

[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/63.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] maybe light a candle Don't say a prayer for me, Feel alone I left you the best time [/style] [style=width: 385px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: justify; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;] Happy Birthday? Happy Fucking Birthday Nathan had the nerve in him to spit in Elias' face, for all it was worth. How many years had it been since Nathan had celebrated a birthday, gotten a birthday wished, since anyone cared about the day that he was born? Nathan couldn't remember a single year. Even when he was turning one, a brand new bright light of life in the house, he was sure his birthday had been glossed over. Though he couldn't remember that far back. There was no sob story of birthdays once celebrated and then forgotten. That would have made things sadder, but any birthday Nathan's family could have ever tried to throw for him would have been a tense affair. It was no celebration, another mouth to feed. And Elias had the gall to try and pull the little brother card on him. He was so fucking optimistic. Wasn't Elias the one who told him ages ago that things couldn't go back to normal? Nathan had tried to be nice to his brother, had once felt elated at seeing him, but Elias had been quick to smash that. And now he stood on his doorstep wishing him a damn happy birthday. Nathan didn't want to spare the energy of calling Elias out on his bullshit actions. Why had he even bothered. It was a curious move, and Nathan's curiosity usually got the better of him. Not now though, not this. Elias was like a dog, sleeping on Nathan's porch again and again. He could even kick him and he'd still come back if Nathan only gave him a sliver of attention. He turned his attention to Cali, who was frozen on the walk, looking for all the world like she was trying to walk away. Good ol' Cali, always trying to run away. “What about you, Cali? You want to throw some stuffed up sentiment at me? Or are you here just for the fight?” Nathans voice was teasing, carrying out to his sister. He'd forgotten how much he'd changed since he last saw her. He used to be the quiet boy, the one would would never think of saying these things. It was a knife to his gut for Nathan to realize that a younger Nathan would have appreciated this sentiment so much more than he did now. Elias could have helped, but now it was just to late. Turning his attention back to his brother, it was all he could do to simply not punch him again. Nathan knew he could beat up Elias, easily. He had not lost a single shred of muscle since juvie, the job at the grocery store helped. He often stocked shelves. The only peice of advice he'd taken from his therapist was to exercise. As a way to blow of the anger, they said. It was only an excuse to stay in shape, keep on his toes. Never again would Nathan be caught helpless, off guard. He sighed, looking at his older brother. They were hardly family. “You really thought you could just show up and things would be fine Eli? When was the last time I ever celebrated a birthday with you, with her. Thank for the sentiment, honestly, but get off of my porch,” the thanks Nathan offered were laced with sarcasm. He didn't care anymore about setting things right. He should have known, and Elias too, that there was no fixing things between them. Nathan could just go on being alone and Elias could move on with his life It might be better for him, get a good job, a good girl, do something with his life. It'd be the most any Kastra had done. tagged, elias and calliope! │ word count,618 notes, meowww <3 Make Christmas your own

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[elias kellin kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background: #8f6868; width:15px; height:650px; padding:0px;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/14.jpg); width:430px; height:650px; padding:0px;] nobodies going to love you if YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A WAY TO CAPTURE THIS, NOBODIES GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH, NO IT'S UP TO YOU TO UNDERSTAND TAGGED: cali & nathan WORDS: 575 By now the entire situation was numbing. After the last encounter Elias had with his brother he realized that some things changed. Maybe it was this change that made Elias so hopeful that he could recreate some sort of one eighty that would bring Nathan running back into his arms. He should have felt some sort of pang of hurt, or even regret for his brother's words at his sister. He should have felt upset that Nathan already had rejected him and his sentiments but he didn't. It didn't move him in the least. If anything it made him almost a little more insisting. The more Nathan pushed, the more Elias wanted to push back. It was all a typical defensive move. As a big brother, naturally, Elias felt the need to be on top of the game, controlling the outcome. How naive Elias was about his own family. Elias didn't even bother looking at the reaction that Cali would have over Nathan calling her out, but instead stared at the ground for a good minute. Absently, he'd watch his slip on shoes and the little clumps of snow that littered the path up towards Nathan's house. This was Elias simply just taking it all in. It felt like it lasted much longer than it actually was as his mind continued to create some tormenting cinematic recreation of this moment. As if Nathan would suddenly fall to his knees crying, begging for his older brother to help him, and for them all to be a family again. As if. "I never said i expected anything to be fine," He looked up at his brother, a hard look in his eyes., "I never said that anything would be fine, i mean look at us, you've been here for however long and didn't tell a fucking soul, then there's Calliope over there, who is pretty much the exact same as when she was younger, dodging the thought that we are all even related!" Elias's one arm flailed into the direction of Calliope, taking in her expression for that moment. "Whether either of you like it or not," Elias hoped that Cali would look into his eyes if not for that brief moment before turning back to his brother, "we are still family and you can't neglect it forever." Multiple flares of smoke appeared from Elias's hard breathing. Now that he could see the hot air blowing out from between his lips, he could feel his head burning up a bit. His arm went to the back of his head as he turned away in frustration. The few steps he took to back away from Nathan allowed him to take in a position where he could see both his brother and his sister. There was so much pent up emotions that Elias felt that consumed him for the first eighteen years of his life. Looking at Nathan was like looking into a mirror of all the angst. While looking at Calliope was like seeing how much the more things change the more that they stay the same, "I can't even believe this…" They were words that Elias didn't even know why he spoke, or why there was even a bit of laughter as he spoke them. Why was he the only one trying anymore? NOTES: i can't even handle this right now. it's too good, hahahaha. GET OFF MA' PORCH YA' HEAR?!

this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0.

[calliope jenn kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 490px; height: 500px; background-color: #000000; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6mnUt.jpg); border: 2px ridge #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; -moz-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px;] And They Say we would’ve seen you two years ago Had you stuck around or come out to a show, But youth’s taken over by rock and roll, While we were laughing and drinking and smoking and singing.... So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit. That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t fall in love, I just fake it. I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.----------------- The term ‘killjoy’ may have well described the Kastra family. Every one of them was and always had been the most unhappy group of people that anyone in Caroline knew about, and they always spilled their black ink all over the clean white of the town. They never had anything, no earthly treasure or link of love between them. They were just cruel, empty beings who had had the misfortune to spend life in a home together. Even when they three children were grown and moved out of the house, they were still known for their hellish behavior. Even when they were trying so hard to disappear from the radar, they would still be those Kastras. They never had any pleasure or happiness of their own, and so they satisfied themselves by tearing everyone else down. Calliope did everything that she could to prove them wrong. She was determined to be happy, even if that prevented the rest of her family from being happy. Selfishness was a key trait for the poor, Cali had learned, because if you weren’t selfish you’d never have anything for yourself. Look at her in comparison to her brothers, after all. She was easily the happiest. She had a great boyfriend and a fabulous roommate and a beautiful home and a life separate from the hopeless travesty that was her relationship with her brothers, and if Elias could just understand that, then things would be so much easier. Nathan didn’t seem to be too terribly thrilled with the idea of a great big reunion, and the more Calliope considered it, the more laughable it all became. What did he hope to get from this? That they’d start hanging out, seeing movies and having picnics together? Go visit their mother for shits and giggles and realize that they weren’t all as fucked up as they thought? It was ridiculous. All that was going to happen was that Eli was going to get hit. Nathan, though, wasn’t letting her just observe this, no, she had to be an active participant. “You know me, Nathan. I’m nothing if not sentimental,” she said sarcastically. “How old are you now, kid, like sixteen?” Calliope didn’t know why she was bothering to talk to him, why she would taunt him after so many years without the unavoidable sibling rivalry or stupid fights over nothing, why she wouldn’t just go home. Maybe she couldn’t help but be curious. They did share blood, after all, if nothing else. Elias referenced her a moment later, talking about how she hadn’t change, how she pretended they weren’t related. Problem was, at least for Eli, was that this consistency was what allowed her to stay happy. If she started dwelling on the fact that her family was basically the scum of the earth, it would just about kill any good mood. But if she was orphaned and alone in her mind, then there was nothing to worry about. She met her brother’s eye then because she wasn’t afraid of looking at him. Being afraid of eye contact was stupid and Calliope didn’t do stupid. She had no tolerance for that sort of thing. “Honestly, Elias, what are you even trying for anymore?”

[/color] she asked. “You just need to let it go. Neither of us want anything to do with you or with each other and no matter where this conversation could possibly go, we’re still all going to hate each other. Go home. Put on a Christmas movie and pretend like you’re having a good time and leave Nathan to his sulking and me to my tea making.”[/color]

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Word: 624
Outfit: CLICK
Note: this family i can't

Tag:
Nathan and Elias

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Template by Paige @ CAUTION

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[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/63.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] maybe light a candle Don't say a prayer for me, Feel alone I left you the best time [/style] [style=width: 385px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: justify; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;] It should have been tiring, to be so angry all the time, so hurt. But what else could Nathan do? His past needed to be let go, yes, and he very much felt like he had let it go. He felt like he was growing from it, learning that he didn't have to be pushed around. If he didn't want something, he didn't have to take it. He felt honestly lost these days. His life had taken such a dramatic turn and he had no idea where he was going to end up. When he was younger, this would have frightened him, not knowing where his future would land him. Not that at fourteen he had any idea where he could have been either, with the little money and resources that the Kastra's had. Not to mention the bad rep. Even with all the money in the world. Nathan would have had a harder time getting employers and schools to look past his name, especially now that he was a murderer. He knew there were people in this town that wanted him in jail. But those were the ones who thought he'd killed more than one person, or that he was going to be tainted forever by this. Nathan didn't know what he was, but he wasn't going to be tainted. Neither, though, was he going to let the past sink itself into the river, water under the bridge. Things couldn't be let go to early. It was stupid to be carrying around a bleeding heart, but dammit Nathan had good reason. Someone, sometime deserved to feel the pain Nathan felt. And it wasn't just anger, it was a general uncaring for what happened to him anymore. What did it matter, if he had his family back? What did it matter, if he didn't celebrate his birthday? What were birthdays but another day to stupidly spend money on people you pretended you cared about and get drunk? It was pointless, there were over 6 billion people on the earth. Why was birth such a celebration? Death should have been a bigger celebration, and Nathan didn't care anyway. Living or dead, things would still be the same. Human life was so annoying. It was strange, that he and Cali could have something to agree on. Nathan would never think that he could agree on anything with Cali, but she was spouting his very thoughts. Just for Elias to leave them all alone to their own lives. Why bother trying to fix them when they were so broken? Nathan was sure some key pieces were missing anyway. “What did you expect Eli?” Nathan questioned, his breath huffing before him. He lent on his door frame, seeming relaxed, but he was more just done with this. Elias hadn't been trying long but Nathan just wanted him to stop. “Who would I tell that I was back? I'm sure the citizens would rejoice in the return of a murderer. They would as soon let me go back to the school as let me roam in this town. You're the only person who seems to care, and that's just because you're too stubborn to fix something that can't be. When were we ever a family?”. tagged, elias and calliope! │ word count,540 notes, ' its my birthday and i can kill someone if i want to' Make Christmas your own

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[elias kellin kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background: #8f6868; width:15px; height:650px; padding:0px;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/14.jpg); width:430px; height:650px; padding:0px;] nobodies going to love you if YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A WAY TO CAPTURE THIS, NOBODIES GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH, NO IT'S UP TO YOU TO UNDERSTAND TAGGED: cali & nathan WORDS: 501 "I can't believe this!" Elias, at this point, was allowing his thoughts to spill out of his mouth. This was so ridiculous he could hardly believe his ears, "Neither of you have even tried communicating for almost six years and what, now you are ganging up on me?" His head started to shake with so much emotion boiling over. They asked what Elias expected, and to be honest, Elias didn't even know what he was to expect. But more than anything he didn't expect to suddenly be picked on, and thrown into a back and forth. The more he stood here the most frustrated he got. His fingers curled into a fish on either hand, he had to bite down on his lip in order to attempt any sort of composure. Easily in that moment he could freak out, fall back into his old, violent self, and throw a fist before even thinking about speaking. Thinking of hitting his brother made him rest his hands back in his pockets. In a sense they would be the cage that would contain any actions that he was on the edge of taking. "Me!" Elias suddenly felt the weight of the card in his pocket like a sack of rocks, "You could have told me, fuck everyone else!" His voice sounded as if it has calmed, but he still was shaking. He couldn't remember the last time he had got to the point in his life like this. "Who says we can't be a family now? But you two are too strung up on the idea of hating everything about us when we don't need to act this way." It wasn't to say that Elias wasn't happy with the way things were before. He had never been more content in his life in the last six years. He had a job he loved, there were people he knew that didn't mind being around him either. He didn't need to prove himself to his siblings, yet his reactions completely contradicted this. "Fuck," Elias's hands gripped around the card as his eyes closed. He felt it crinkle slightly at one edge, and subconsciously pinched it in attempt to put it back together. In that moment he was able to pull out his hand, with the card held at the end of his fingers. He looked at it for a moment, as if inspecting it to make a real decision when he finally walked closer to Nathan again and pushed it into his brother's hands, "I don't care if you don't want your fucking family, even if i am the only one that is going to try, but have it," His eyes looked sternly at his brothers, then he turned around to look longingly at his sister. There had to be some way to get something back. NOTES: "here you can have this i got a prize" -mean girls is relevant right now.

this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0.

[calliope jenn kastra]

]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 490px; height: 500px; background-color: #000000; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6mnUt.jpg); border: 2px ridge #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; -moz-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px;] And They Say we would’ve seen you two years ago Had you stuck around or come out to a show, But youth’s taken over by rock and roll, While we were laughing and drinking and smoking and singing.... So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit. That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t fall in love, I just fake it. I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.----------------- Elias was being ridiculous, as usual. Honestly, Calliope didn’t really understand why she was surprised anymore. She let her brothers argue while she listened, feigning boredom but really rather interested. It gave her sort of an ironic feeling of nostalgia, seeing her family all united for Christmas, just like they had been for their entire unhappy childhood, or at least, until the little one cracked up and turned into a murderous lunatic. She was amused, honestly, entertained by how difficult it was for any of them to get along. They all hated each other, even Elias hated them, she could tell. His siblings weren’t living up to the expectations he had written into his mind over the years, and Cali almost pitied the poor fuck. It must have been disappointing for him, but he shouldn’t have had his hopes up so high. Deny it all she might, Calliope knew she was still a Kastra, they were all Kastras, and by definition they were going to destroy all expectations. They were born together and destined to spend life separate. It was just the way the world went, there was no reason to try and cheat it. Nathan seemed to understand that, and he argued for her side so Cali didn’t have to speak. That in itself was rather fascinating; if there were anyone to find a third side of an argument simply so none of them had to hold the same opinion and argue the same ideas, it was the three of them. But here they were, the two younger against the older, teaming up against Elias with Calliope still stood a safe distance away, almost as an observer. She hoped this would end soon; her outfit wasn’t particularly warm and the air around her was cold. She could have left, of course, but she didn’t want to miss out on what was, essentially, the most interesting conversation she and her brothers had ever had. They had had fights when they were children, of course, but that was the thing: they were children. Their arguments then had been inconsequential, but now they were grown up. They knew what they were saying, knew what they wanted from one another, and for all she knew, this conversation could be the determining factor of their entire relationship. Maybe she’d never see either of them again after this. Not that that would be too bad, but Calliope didn’t want to leave too early if that was going to be the case. She wanted to see how bad it got, see if anyone got hit this time, see what they said to break each other up and what it turned into before they swore themselves off each other and stalked off in opposite directions. Cali was good at fights; she’d been in enough of them during high school. She knew how to act to get her way and she knew how to make everyone else too upset and exhausted to fight anymore. That was what she lived for, that was what made Calliope Kastra. She was a bitch and good at it. As queen bee in high school, she had been a professional at making those under her start buzzing with rivalry and antagonism, and she thrived off of it. It was no different here, watching Nathan and Eli throw words at each other. A fight was a fight. When Elias turned to her, though, she decided to chime in. “What do you want, Eli? Do you want Christmas cards? Picnics reunions together? What’s the point in having us all forced together? What do you possibly have to gain? Family’s overrated, there’s nothing in it for any of us. You’re just going to make all of us unhappy, Elias. Let it go.”

[/color] It was frustrating, he was going about this so immaturely. “What are you so desperate for, anyway? If you’re lonely, make some friends. It doesn’t have to be us. For fuck’s sake, this one spent eternity in a prison,” she said, gesturing to Nathan. “And he has more of a right than anyone to want some kind of familial support, but he just wants to be left alone. Can’t you just get over yourself? We don’t want you. Go home.”[/color]

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Word: 724
Outfit: CLICK
Note: cali you are mean omg

Tag:
Nathan and Elias

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Template by Paige @ CAUTION

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[nathaniel james kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/63.jpg); width: 400px; height: 300px;padding:20px; border-top: 10px #6dc0dd solid; border-bottom: 10px #6dc0dd solid;] maybe light a candle Don't say a prayer for me, Feel alone I left you the best time [/style] [style=width: 385px; height: 250px; overflow: auto; background-color: 708090; opacity: .7; text-align: justify; padding: 8 8 0 8px; line-height: 90%; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; color: 000;] This was all so depressing. A broken family bickering at the porch of the youngest member, and possibly the most fucked up. Nathan tried to pretend that he wasn't messed up, that he was coping, that everything was fine and what had happened had made him into a better man. In the bigger picture, it did. Nathan was able to pick himself up out of the pit of depression and being pushed around that he'd laid himself in, turn his life around, and get somewhere. But, not very far, considering where he still was. This town wouldn't let go of him, or perhaps it was the other way around. Nathan's therapist once told him drifting back to the town he once lived in, yet hated, spoke of unresolved issues, most likely with his family considering all the bad blood between them. They weren't going to be resolved anytime soon. Both Nathan and Elias were now more likely to punch something than figure things out, or perhaps that was just Nathan. And there was Cali, always playing the good girl. Though, more often than not Cali's actions caused fights. Nathan used to be the quiet one, and here he was being as loud as the rest of them. There wasn't a night where Nathan tried to sleep without the vision of that boy, blood splattered across his chest, flashing across his mind. It was why he avoided sleep, and even when he managed to escape the thoughts of his murder due to utter exhaustion, he'd still have nightmares, often waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with no explanation why. He hated it, he wanted to make it stop. But who wanted to hear about some murder's guilty conscious? Who wanted to hear anything from Nathan anyway? They all hated him, or feared him, no one would listen to him. That was why he pushed everyone away, that was why he pretended he no longer cared, when he would have loved to be able to find some solace, even if it were in his family. Part of him didn't care, honestly, he was so over his family, but there was still some rationality in Nathan. He was honestly not much different from his fourteen year old self, still thinking that no one wanted to hear about his problems, feeling like he was an outcast in a world that hated him for who he was. Nathan was confused as Elias shoved a card into his chest, his words so full of emotion. This had to been the most either of them had talked, excluding the last time, even when they were younger. Communication was never a strong trait in the Kastra family. It should have hurt, to see Elias so worked up, Nathan should have wanted to fix it, make him feel better. Half-brother or not, they were still family. He had no sympathy towards either of them though, simply letting Cali call out Elias's bullshit for him, slightly mystified by the card in his grasp. He'd never gotten a present for his birthday, it left a strange hollow feeling. While Elias and Calliope were distracted, he opened the card, used to only doing this for bills. “Twenty-one years? It takes you twenty-one years for this bullshit Elias?” Nathan question, waving the card in the air, the money still inside. He couldn’t say he didn't appreciate the fifty dollars, he needed the money, any money, but the fact that it was from Elias tainted it somehow. He shook his head. “Look, you can try all you damn want to make us a family, to pretend to be hurt, but nothings going to change. You're trying damn hard though, I'll give you that,” Nathan sighed, shooting a look at Cali, standing there like some kind of messiah. “I don't see what help it'll do, but you can come inside, and we can...Maybe there'll be a Christmas miracle,” the sarcasm in Nathans voice was thick, as he turned and stepped back through his door. He didn't honestly care if Elias or Cali followed him, it was their own decision. He only hoped by placating Elias desire to try and fix things – and show him ultimately that they could not – his brother would finally leave him alone. . tagged, elias and calliope! │ word count,720notes,fifty bucks gets you in nathan's house, wonder what a hundred would get Make Christmas your own

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say thanks to mrs. steve rogers @ caution 2.0

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[elias kellin kastra]

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[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://skylineillusions.net/goodies/14.jpg); width:430px; height:650px; padding:0px;] nobodies going to love you if YOU CAN'T DISPLAY A WAY TO CAPTURE THIS, NOBODIES GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH, NO IT'S UP TO YOU TO UNDERSTAND TAGGED: cali & nathan WORDS: 706 That was just the thing, that thing he couldn't admit to himself or the people around him, but was the reason he was wound so tight, swimming in his thoughts of hope and preservation: he was desperately lonely. Elias had multiples of friends, or at least they called themselves his friends. He represented them as a mere acquaintances. There was so much of him that wanted that picture perfect idea of family, where all of them could sit around the table at Thanksgiving, laugh at their daily routines. Elias always thought that when Nathan came back that he'd be informed right away, that Nathan would be better and maybe the three of them could find some common ground. But Elias was wrong, and proved wrong by Nathan's angst built up in a first of furry. He loved his siblings, regardless of the actions taking place here. They would never understand that. Elias saw them both when they were both still fresh, untainted by the things that life delivered to them. He remembered when him and his sister used to play hungry hippos. She would almost always win, and that award winning smile made Elias both frustrated with her luck, as well as made it worth his lost. Then there was Nathan, who has less of a chance to be happy. He was just a gurgling baby. But there was something in his eyes, the way light reflected in them that gave some sort of sense of hope. By the time his father was gone that light was out. Maybe that's what Elias wanted. He wanted that innocence from before everything happened. Regardless of his love for them, he was getting frustrated at them, especially Calliope. What else would he expect though? "Oh shut the fuck up, Cali!" His voice was harsh, although internally he felt a slight remorse for getting all worked up over her. He couldn't help it. Being in the corner made people fight back with more furry. "You think i like being the fucking voice of reason? You're just as stubborn as i am in this matter hidden in your fucking rose coloured glasses," Elias brought his arms up to his face, making gestures to imitate his sister as he was about to with his words, "Oh look at me, i have this perfect life, perfect clothes, everyone does what i ask for them, did i also mention that my brother still cares about my well being but," his voice raised back into his own, angered, voice, "I'm too fucking selfish to even begin to understand." Elias took in some more hot breaths of air. He couldn't look at Cali after what he had said. His head turned to the ground and in his peripheral vision he noticed Nathan looking at the card. Part of Elias expected him to throw a punch in Elias's direction. It would make sense. After all, Elias trying to bring them together in some way ended up in this public fight, why not a punch in the face for trying to wish his brother a happy birthdate. Yet, as Elias tilted his head more to look at Nathan he saw no violent advancement. As Nathan spoke Elias remained silent. It was easier not to say anything about this. He could easily bump himself into it, say that he would have made an effort even in those six years that Nathan was gone, but what else was he going to do? "I'm not pretending," he wanted to say. But he didn't. Seeing Nathan walk back into his house, he wasn't sure if he should leave it at this blissful memory and walk away. Or should he go inside and see what this would all have to offer? His mind juggled for a few moments, and reflected back to Calliope to see if she was going to follow or not. Maybe if he was able to convince Nathan to let him inside, that might also help convince Cali of hope. It was a stretch, but it was the winning factor for Elias to take a step through Nathan's doorway. NOTES: sex, definitely. although that'd bed weird. never mind.

this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0.

[calliope jenn kastra]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 490px; height: 500px; background-color: #000000; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/6mnUt.jpg); border: 2px ridge #FFB6C1; -webkit-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; -moz-border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px; border-radius: 0 30px 0 30px;] And They Say we would’ve seen you two years ago Had you stuck around or come out to a show, But youth’s taken over by rock and roll, While we were laughing and drinking and smoking and singing.... So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit. That’s all, I’m gone! That’s my life, Nothing is sacred. I don’t fall in love, I just fake it. I don’t fall in love. I don’t fall in love.----------------- “So what you’re saying is I don’t deserve to be happy, and that all I’m ever going to be is your bitchy little sister. Thanks for clearing that up, Eli, it really makes me want to be a part of your life again.”

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Really, it didn’t take too much twisting of his words to get the meaning she got from it. He told Calliope she was living in a delusion, that she shouldn’t be proud of herself for removing herself from a negative situation and making the most of life. She shouldn’t be glad that she could finally afford the things she wanted after and entire childhood without. Because those things were too fucking selfish. No, she should be as selfless as Saint Elias, meddling in the business of his siblings who couldn’t care less about him. She should wallow in her misery and solitude, because that was what she was born into and God forbid anyone find any happiness in this shitty little world. That’s how Eli would do it. That’s what he wanted her to do. One should only find happiness in their fucked up family, regardless of all past experience pointing to disaster. There was nothing in their history that said that this could work out well. Even when they did little things for each other, Eli protecting them when they were young, or escorting her drunk ass back home when she could hardly see straight, or keeping each others’ secrets, those things weren’t love. It wasn’t that they were siblings that motivated them to act that way. It was just being a decent human being. Despite their history, their family, their reputation, everyone had their moments of being decent people. Elias was simply far too hung up on those moments and forgot all the times they fought, all the times they had stalked out after screaming that they hated each other. He forgot the punches and slaps and believed in the minority moments of their life. But he was no better than she was. He wanted them to be together for purely selfish reasons. He wanted a family, something that could fill the void inside of him. Where there was nothing, he wanted something, but that was purely inside himself, wasn’t it? Calliope didn’t need that. She had friends and she had love and she was satisfied by that. He thought he was being reasonable, Cali thought he was asking for the impossible.

At least Nathan seemed to be on her side. That was something, though Calliope had to admit that she didn’t feel completely satisfied being on a team with the resident murderer. It was more than her older brother had, though, so she couldn’t complain.

When Nathan invited them inside, Cali knew it was her chance to get out of there, to send a giant ‘fuck you very much’ in her brothers’ direction, to sever the ties between their sorry lives and hers. Yet, the prospect of walking all the way home in the December cold and in a short skirt and heels really didn’t suit her well, not after standing here all this time. And so when the boys walked through the doorway, turning to see if she would come too, she didn’t disappoint. Instead, she huffed out an exasperated sigh, walking quickly into the house and out of the cold. She kicked her heels off as soon as she could, walking past her brothers and searching for the kitchen. “I’m making tea,”[/color] she said with finality. Her intention to share with them was implied only, because if she said it straight out, they might have felt obligated to have some, and she wasn’t particularly eager to have less for herself. Once she found the kitchen, she started tearing through the place in search for a kettle. She nearly disassembled all of the cabinets before concluding there was none to be found, at which point she instead filled a saucepan with water and set it on the stove to boil. After a moment of simply standing at the the stove watching the water be slowly heated, she moved to sit on a counter, deciding that watching water boil would be better than going into the other room where her brothers were. That was bound to be a disaster. She could deal with it, sure, but it’d be a lot better if she had tea first.

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Tag:
Nathan and Elias

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